The day the Equestrians met the 3rd Street Saints
by puertoroqueanboy1992
Summary: It has been 2 years after the boss has defeated the zin empire and conquered the entire universe so obviously the boss in f*****ng bored so he decides (after Matt Miller has invented the tv portal) that he would teach all the ponies in equetria that theres no such thing as a happy ending for people that respect the law. Will the boss get what he wants? find out here!
1. Chapter 1: And so it has begun

**The Day Equestrians Met The 3****rd**** Street Saints**

Chapter 1: And So it has begun...

It was just another day for the King of the Universe, "The Boss" as everyone knew him was smoking some loa dust with Johnny Gat and Shaundy while Pierce… Well who the hell gives a fuck 'bout Pierce… Anyway the boss was so fucking bored (since he did that shit every day for the past 2 years after defeating Zinyak and conquered the last opposing planet in the universe) so he decided to leave the room while he was still not high to watch some tv.

"Avengers asem…" "Seen it" said the bored man with a latino accent (yes he is latino in my story) "Luke im your fat…" "gay!" said the boss in a annoyed way while he changed the channel. So went the channel surfing and the result was the same he has seen it all, even the porn channel that the zin made that showed gross ass stuff that only a class A+ perv would jack off to was boring for him until he finally saw a tv show he had never saw before, maybe he did not saw it because of what Johnny would think of him. Never the less he and Shaundy where as high as shit so he started watching the intro. "My little pony, my little pony…" he was so fucking gross out of the show only one tough came to his mind "if only I had the technology to go in their universe and showed them that that friendship shit is sooo fucking retarded, then I would make those Princesses my slaves so they can see the true colors of life". Then his eyes widened and like if he had won the Genky Bowl, Murder Brawl and Became President and then ruler of the entire universe all at the same time jump up and down like he was on crack and finally shouted "the fuck I can!".

_A Few days before that:_

"who the fuck do you think you are Miller" Yelled Kinzie, a red hair with glasses that was wearing a lab coat at Matt a Young man in his early twenties wearing mascara in both his eyes and who allways dressed in black, "Smarter than you that's for sure Kensington", Yelled the young man. The fight went for hours till the boss decided to intervine. "Que Carajo Pasa" He said in Spanish, "in English please!" said both of them looking straight at him. The boss took a deep breath and then shouted in English "what da fuck is going on here!" he said after looking at them straight in the eye. Then both Kinzie and Matt knew they had to explain to him was goin' on. "Matt here is trying to use the time traveling portal to convert it in to a tv portal" explained Kinzie in an angry way. "A what?" the boss said in confusion. "A portal that lets you travel to a tv series universe" Matt explained. "Miller your as crazy as fuck if you think I'm going to let you turn a piece of modern alien engineering into a tv portal so you can go to that fucking gay ass night blade universe only to meet that stupid guy" she shouted at him "it's only to see if it will have any effect in the tv when we go to it, also we can use it to get scify weapons that only would exist in those universes" Said Matt. The boss was only imagining the possibilities like going to the game of thrones universe in an iron man suit and blowing the shit out of those middle age people, or going to the pokemon universe and release a zombie virus like the one in resident evil. "So what do you think boss?" asked the two of them in unison, the boss looked at Matt and said to him "Miller this is the best fucking idea you have had in years!".

_Back in the present time:_

The boss was still jumping up and down and dancing when he realized that everyone was seeing him. "Damn boss you got as high as fuck" said Shaundy a big breasted brunet woman who started laughing at him, Gat who was a man in his early 30's who wore glasses and a purple track suit Joined in and laugh his ass off and so did Pierce an African American in his late 20's who saw the whole thing from the my little pony intro to the dance the boss did. "Shut up Pierce" was the only thing that he stated as Pierce and the rest stopped laughing. Johnny who was not high any more stared at the tv and saw what the boss was watching. "Boss the fuck you watching?" Asked the crazed killer in a disgusting expression. "That, oh that is our next invading site" the boss said with a evil grin in his smile, the only smile that a evil ruler would give at an innocent planet who is light years beyond the fire power to defend itself from an entire fleet of spaceships and a legion of armies that with just an order would destroy the entire planet. The crew resumed laughing at him as they though that the boss was as high as fuck. "I'm serious" said the boss as he slammed a katana sword witch turned to be the one that he used to kill the Akuji's lider in to the tv. "Shit he realy is serious" said Pierce as he saw the whole thing. "Ya think" said Johnny at Pierce. "Boss how da fuq are we gonna do that" asked Pierce. The boss smiled as he did before while explaining the machine that Matt made. After the explanation Johnny stood up and said "Let's go kick some pony ass", "Plot" said Matt who heard the whole plan as he came out of the shadows wearing a night blade suit and holding a lightsaber in one hand and a Klingon sword in the other "The right term for a ponies ass is plot". "I guess the test was a success" said the boss cheerfully as he saw what Matt had in both his hands. "Yes and no" said Matt in a confusing tone, "You see", Matt explained "the portal works perfectly but needs time to recharge after a while and can only transport a fleet at a time" he concluded, "so when will it recharge?" The leader of the saints said in desperation, "5 hours" said matt, "Good, it will give us time to prepare".


	2. Chapter 2: You've got Rick Rolled!

Chapter 2: You've got Rick Rolled!

_Ponyville 3:30 am:_

"No please! Why are you doing this! I thought we were frie..." a yellow colored pegasus named Fluttershy cried as she got shot in her face. "Now, its only between you and me bitch!", the dark biped creature said as he aimed what looks to be a small canon to her, then the shooting sound echoed all thru the room, "AAAAAAAAHGHHHHHH" Twilight shouted as she woke up from her dream. Then a knock on the door! "Twilight are you ok!", said a voice from the other side. "I'm ok Spike" said the lavender alicorn mare. "Its like the fourth time this week!" said the baby dragon as he opened the door, "You should realy go see a Doctor" said the purple and green lizard, "Your right Spike, I'm going to make an appointment with the Canterlot doctor as soon as posible!", "Good to know!" said the dragon as he hugged her friend.

_Back at the saints spaceship headquarters:_

"Shaundy did you did the recon I asked you to do" said the leader of the saints getting ready to launch an all scale attack on the unsuspecting planet. "Yes boss and I'm very surprised of what I found theres a lot of shit about this stupid show" she said looking at a wikia site. "Good, I need weaknesses" he said since he know that every televition series character has a weakness, and like a friend of him said when you find the weakspot of your enemy you have to stab it until it bleeds to death. So she started saying each and every one of their weakness. "they all have never had any experience in combat so I sugest killing them all at once". "how do you expect us to do that!" "I know how" said Pierce, leaving everyone to turn around to see the black guy smoking a blunt, "Well will you mind telling us then, you know in this century!" the boss yelled at Pearce, "This bitches looks like they've never seen an alien before so I sugest a classic I'm a lost alien can you help me get back home only to stab you when your not looking" . "Pearce that is the stupidest idea you had ever had", "This bitches looks like they seen an alien before so I sugest a classic I'm a lost alien can you help me get back home only to stab you when your not looking" said Shaundy "That's the best idea you've ever had Shaundy I like it", said the boss patt ing her in the back. "Da fuq just happened" said Pearce Pisses. "What happened Pearce it's that Shaundy had a great idea" said Gat while preparing some surprises for the ponies on the other side. "Well you know the drill people move!" said the boss as he prepared to launch himself to the planet known as Equestria. "Boss wait" said Shaundy as she grabbed him by the arm. "What know!" said the boss as he was about to enter a fucked up ship to make it look like it had malfunction, "you do know they can read minds!" said the woman, "of course I know that that's why every time I will see a unicorn I will think of things that will make them not want to read my mind!" the boss said with a evil smile in his face. "oook then" said Shaundy with an awkward look in her face. "Good know that thats out of the way let's do this shit!"

Back in Equestria:

It was 5:45 am, the princesses where getting ready to move the sun and the moon, just when Luna was about to make the moon go down so that Celestia can make the sun go up a bad feeling came over her, you know that feeling like knowing that your being watched but intensified by a 100 times, one of the lunar guardsmen noticed the way that the princess was shivering and asked "Your Highness are you ok!", to which she replied : "yes I'm fine, I just have the most horrible feeling, a feeling that makes a mortal like you wish he was dead!", an awkward silence lasted for a minute after the comment made by the princess, then afterwards she began with the descending of the moon.

Meanwhile over the skies of Ponyvile:

"Getting ready for descent in minus 1 minute" said the machine, "Come on boss let us go with you" said Johnny Gat with an impatient look on his face. "Sorry Gat but I need you here since I need to gain there trust and I'm the only one that fits in the power armor!", said the boss while he was suiting up in the armor. "Ok all set, before you go inside the ship, do you still remember how to use this thing?" said Matt Miller, "Of course I remember Pendejo!", said the boss in an awkward tone, "Do ya really think something like this is forgettable!", "Well… uh… no… but…" Said Miller in an awkward tone, "but nothing stop waisting my time and set up the invisibility thing that Kinzie Made" said the boss. "T minus 20 seconds" said the machine as they were talking, "Ok testing invisibility", just as Matt pressed the button the power armor got invisible an so did the boss. "Nice!", said the boss as he got inside the ship, "9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, scape pod deployed", as the ship started to fell to Equestria (Ponyville to be exact) the g-forces were so great that it did not gave time for the boss to put his seatbelt so he went flying from the floor hitting his head on the ceiling. "Shit, coño, carajo" shouted the boss who was about to go out cold, "Kinzie, Matt put the fucking ship in auto pilot!", said the boss, "boss what happened the sensors indicate you've got some head trauma!", said Miller, "I hit my fucking head while I was putting on my goddam seat belt, now will you please do what I asked for!", said and almost boss "Where on it!", said Kinzie while pressing some buttons. "Hurry up dammit I don't want to become a fucking asteroid, so hurry the fuck u….", that was the last thing the boss said as it all went pitch black for him.

Back at Ponyville:

"Oh please Lyra not again with that humans are real crud!" said Bon Bon a white earth pony with blue and pink hair, "not you too Bon Bon, I tough you where my friend, and friends never make fun of other friends beliefs!" said the mint colored unicorn with tears in her eyes. Everypony that was there started laughing and making fun of her. "If humans are real then why isn't any evidence!" said one of the ponies that was making fun of her, "yeah its not like there gonna fall from the sky or any stupid thing like that!", said another female philly wearing a tiara, "Yeah as if!, If that happened I would change my name from Silver Spoon to Poopface Mcgee…" just as the glasses wearing philly finished that statement a big ball of fire fell from the sky just in the spot where Diamond Tiara's house stood. A huge booming sound echoed like 12 times more bigger than Rainbow Dash's Double Rainboom. A huge whistling sound (the one you hear when your deaf) spread through the entire planet of Equestria. The thing that Lyra saw after the explosion shocked her the most, there was a lot of ponies on the floor and a few ones trotting towards her and her friends. As she opened her eyes she saw a brow earth pony wearing a beany along with a white glasses wearing pony with a green bowtie and pouches in each side of his butt moving their lips but no sound coming from them. Then they started talking to her when she started hearing sound again , "…lestia! Are you ok!" Yelled the white aert pony. "Button help me get her and the rest of them up!" said the white stallion to the little brown philly, "Ok Gizmo but our card game is not over!" said Button to the white stallion. As everypony started to get up and get closer to the mysterious object ignoring the damage made by it they started noticing it was not a rock or anything like what they heard of before. Just then a pink earth pony started rushing to the scene she noticed something odd that looked like a button so she pressed it "OOO! What does this button do!"


	3. Chapter 3: Have We Met?

**Chapter 3: Have we met?**

"Opening hatchet", those where the words that came after Pinkie Pie pressed the button. As the door opened a half dead biped got up and aimed its cannon at the pink mare, "Ooh hello there mister robot how are you!" said the pony unknowing that what the boss was aiming at her was a weapon, "you… I fuckeng hate you!", said the boss with a groan, as he was starting to charge the weapon Gizmo quickly notice what he was about to do, he knew all too well that kind of technology(from movies, comics and even videogames), that was a weapon and in his mind there where a lot of thoughts… "What should I do!, If I attack then that thing will focus its attention to me!, and if I don't do nothing that thing will kill Pinkie Pie!, She's one of the few ponies that even talk to me!" with that thought he jumped and hit the robot from behind causing him to move right in the exact precise moment that the cannon finished charging and the boss shoot it. "What the hay are you doing to my new friend Gizmo!" as she finished that sentence a big booming sound echoed from the robot's cannon and passed ride next to Pinkie just to hit the new Ponyville castle and make a big hole in the walls (yes you heard me right walls, the blast was so powerful it braked four walls, four 10 inch crystal walls). When Pinkie and the rest of the ponies saw what the boss could do they all started running, all but Lyra who knew too well that shape, the shape of a human! From reading books that where considered science fiction and for phillys she knew too well what that thing is, so instead of running like everypony else she stayed and even started walking closer to the human. At this point the boss was completely out cold so when she reached to him with her hooves he didn't move or anything, she just started to feel his suit and found out that it had a eject user button (how convenient), she was shocked that human writing was the exact same as Equestrian writing, when she pressed the button a flash of light so much brighter than the sun came all over her. She was now seeing what looks to be a hairless monkey without a tale that instead of being naked was wearing some kind of suit under the armor, and just when she started to reach for the face a big beam of light, a light she all knew so well started glowing around her, "Do not touch the hostile!" said a lavender mare who we all know as Twilight…

Ponyvile castle half hour before incident:

"Ahh yes Your Highness I was expecting you!" said a dark blue middle aged stallion who was wearing a suit and some weird looking glasses as he bowed down in front of her, "No need for bowing down Dr…" said the princess who did not knew the male unicorn's name "Zoloft, Ritalin Zoloft" said the Dr., "what seems to be the problem?" added "Come on now no need to be hasty im a professional after all!", said the Dr., then Twilight took a big breath and started remembering "Well it all started when I went to that other dimension where humans existed…"(flashback bitchez!).

Canterlot High 2 years ago:

"I can't believe I'm missing a marathon of Daring Doo movies to see this" said Rainbow Dash to the rest of the main six "I mean they didn't even win first place!" added the rainbow haired teenage girl. "C'mon dashy you have seen those movies like a kajillion times" said a pink haired teenage girl by the name of pinkie pie, Twilight was exited, she wasn't only gonna see an award ceremony, she was gonna see an award ceremony given by the president of the United States! The leader of the free world, "I'm going to tell this to the Princess when we go back Spike" said Twilight to a sleeping puppy in her backpack, "mmmm….Rarity", said the pup while talking in his sleep, "Shhhhh! Its starting!" said the purple colored teenage girl, "Settle down students" said principal Celestia to a crowd of students and News Reporters alike, the students continued talking ignoring the principal "Now come on students settle down!" repeated the principal to the crowd, "QUIET NOW IT AN ORDER!" shouted vice principal Luna to the microphone. A big silence followed afterwards "Good! Now we shall begin!" said the vice principal while moving aside so that the principal could start talking. "As you all know the wonderbolts have won the second place at the national high school basketball tournament!" as she said that the whole school started clapping and cheering "And here to give the award it's the President of the United States!" with that the crowd started cheering and clapping, the presidential music started playing as an all common figure started to walk to the podium, "Wazzup!" said the president with red eyes which to any one that knew how a high person looked knew too well he was high as a fuckeng kite. "Glad to be here! In front of the future of America! As you all know I'm here to give the second price award to the Canterlot Wonderbolts" with that said the president started laughing and continued talking "Who got their asses handed to them by the South Park Cows! Who is a group of 8 year olds you happened to wipe the floor with a bunch of 15, 16 and 17 year olds, so yea you guys suck donkey balls!" said the president who did not knew what the fuck he was talking about, with that said the vice president walked right next to the president and said something in his ear to which he opened his eyes and said "What? A TV show you say?" the vice president kept talking in his ear "Ooh that makes sense! Then who the fuck did they lose against then!" the vice president continued to whisper in his ear, "They lost to Arecibo's Lobo's! Wait you mean to tell me that they've lost against puertoricans?" said the president in an anger tone "You all know I'm puertorican right! So why the fuck am I giving this shitty trophy to this losers when I could be in my Fuckeng Country in my fuckeng home town, eating real food not this crappy lame excuse you all call pork that does not even have flavor, I mean have you ever tried puertorican pork, it's the fuckeng best in the world!" that said the entire audience started booing the president and the reporters started recording and taking pictures. Then a Woman with red hair and glasses (who we all know as Kinzie) took over and said "Well that's enough for today the president has been busy and we all think it's best if he doesn't take any questions today so the press conference is over, thanks for understanding!" with that said the conference was over but not before what really caused an uproar happened.


	4. Chapter 4: And Thats How Equestria Was

**Chapter 4: And that's how Equestria was fucked!**

BOOM! as the president was on his way to the convoy, the presidential limo blew up to which the secret service came running to protect the president as they all formed a circle around the president but as they started making way through the crowd they all started to get shot and since they were a lot of people, they didn't knew who was shooting and who was running, the president now alert started to crouch thought the crowd as the secret service all got shot one by one without knowing that they were dying protecting a decoy. As the president got out of harm's way, he got out of the crowd he saw a guy wearing a stag outfit which was funny since one of the first things he did when he entered the white house was to disband that group, he then knew that they were responsible for the attack so without thinking he punched the guard in the crotch and took his gun shooting him in the process, meanwhile another stag agent saw what the president did and aimed his gun at him in that moment right before he got to pull the trigger his neck got snapped like a twig by a big muscular giant who we all know as Oleg, standing right next to him was the mane six group who when the shootout started where in the audience and where so frightened that they didn't move (not even Rainbow Dash was dumb enough to be a hero and get shot), when Oleg saw that those stag bastards where aiming their guns at civilians he started attacking without mercy. "Da fuq! That's cheating you assholes!" said the boss as he saw that those stag operatives where using tanks and jets to attack the guards and civilians so he did what every leader does in that situation (or rather what a 3rd street saint would do!), he joined the fight against those stag bastards, as he shot down a few jets and blew up some tanks he realized that those bastards where out numbering them so he went with plan B: retreat! "Hey Principal Trolestia! (he said to the principal who was trying to get every student to safety) Do you have any school buses that we can escape in?" he said to the principal, to which the principal answer (ignoring that the president called her a wrong name) "Yes there in the parking lot why?" asked the principal knowing that the president was planning one of his famous escape plans, "Do you think you can take your students there?" asked the president, "Well I can try!" said the principal who knew that some of the students ran away while the shooting started, "Then what the fuck are you waiting for a fucking invitation!" said the president while shooting at a stag vehicle, meanwhile back at Oleg he saw that there were some stag operatives who were coming his way, "You there freze!" said an stag agent, "Make me!" said the Russian body builder he then saw that one of the operatives threw a grenade at a group of 3 little girls. He quickly ran and grabbed the 3 girls who were paralyzed from the shock as he shielded them from the explosion Twilight remembered Apple Jack yelling and Rarity fainting as the smoke faded, they all were relieved that the 3 little girls where ok, also the big guy who saved them was ok, he only got his suit toured off showing his family jewels in the process as he got up, he grabbed a piece of debris and threw it at the stag operatives, as he turned to see if the little girls where ok, he then noticed they were trying not to look at his junk "It ok to look, the human body it a natural thing and I'm not insecure so go ahead stare!" the girls including the mane six blushed even harder to his response (the only one who stared at his genitals was vice principal Luna and the lunch lady (who we all know as Granny Smith)), when Apple Jack noticed her grandma was staring at his junk she said to her "Darnit Granny stop looking at that fellers junk! You got to give example to your youngest granddaughter!" to which Granny Smith said: "Darlin when you're as old as me, every time you have the opportunity to see a slong you've got to take it!" everybody then face palmed at the same time. At that time they all heard a horn which they all knew too well, it was the school bus! As it got closer a wounded stag soldier managed to stand up and aim it gun at Twilight she saw that and just as her life started to flash in her mind the bus road killed the bastard, then the bus stop in front of them and opened the door "Who needs a ride the fuck out of here!" said the bus driver who happened to be the president, "Students get inside the bus now it's an order" the vice principal said as she got inside the bus, she didn't had to repeat herself since everybody was inside as she said that. "Ok what know?" asked Rainbow Dash, as she noticed that all of the students that where inside where frightened and or crying "Well do any of you little kids know how to shoot a rifle?" asked the president, "No! it's not like we all were raised in a getto like you" said Rarity in an annoyed tone, right there the bus stopped and he turned around and looked at Rarity "Da fuq you said Puta!" said the president looking at Rarity and the rest of the mane six, "I'm not moving till I hear a fuckeng apology" said the president as he started to put hit feet in the school bus dash, "Come on Rarity say you're sorry to the president!" said Pinkie Pie in a anxious tone, "Please the Great and Powerful Trixie is too Great and Powerful to die!" said Trixie a light blue with white hair teenage girl to Rarity "Fine! I'm sorry Mr. President" she said to the latino driver in an annoyed tone ""Good! Throw in a date with your vice principal and you've got yourself a deal!" said the president with an evil grin in his face, "What I can't do that!" said the teenager to the greatest powerful figure in the free world "Ok then I guess we will die then!" said the boss to the teenage girl and her friends, "Ok fine I'll get you the date!" said the purple haired woman, "Good!" and with that the president turned on the bus and floored it. As they were almost out of the danger zone a road block was infront of them, "Well kids its either them or us so grab a goddam gun and start shooting!" there were only 15 guns and there where and like 45 kids. So the boss grabbed the ones that looked like the strongest ones (all the basketball players, who were like 12 Rainbow Dash, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna) and he gave them instructions on how to use the guns, "…And that's how you use a gun! Any questions?" there was a rough silence. "Good! Now follow my lead!" as they were getting ready to attack they all noticed that the stag operatives. "Well! I think we arrived just in time for the party to the party!" said Rainbow Dash, as they all started to plan how to attack the boss had a great idea "I suggest we use the decoy tactic and I got the perfect voluntears!" said the boss while looking at the mane six (especially Rarity), Rarity noticing he was looking at them said: "You actually think we will do that! You must be ether still high or an Ingnorant to think we will do that!", "Congratulations you've just volunteered!" said the president "But…" Said Fluttershy and Apple Jack at the same time who were then cut off by the president, "Good to know you two wanted to join in!", "By all respect Mr. President I don't think sending 3 teenage girls to be a group of terrorist target practice is not constitutional! I mean what happened to the bill of rights and the constitution?" said Twilight Sparkle to the president (she knew about that stuff because remember she was sleeping in the school library, so yea a lot of free time!), he then looked back at her and said "Are you trying to tell me how to run my fucking country? What you think you can Rule better than me? Well I'm gonna tell you something princess: fuck you, fuck them (pointing at Rarity, and the others), and…" right as he was about to say the last thing a big booming sound and shouts where coming from the stag barricade, "'bout fuckeng time!" said the boss as he saw the military reinforcements and some group of his friends killing those stag bastards, Twilight was so in shock to have seen such an event that had forgotten about it since her return to Equestria.(End of the flashback bitchez!)

Back at the present:

"… and that's why I'm afraid of those humans!" said the princess as she felt like she lifted a big weight of her shoulders, she then noticed that Dr. Zoloft was sleep, "DR. WAKEUP!" shouted the princess as he woke up, "Wha..?" said the Dr. as he noticed he was in session and fell asleep "This is embarrassing!...ummm!...You won't tell anypony won't you?" he said in an awkward tone. "Well…" As she was about to answer a big booming sound interrupted her, she thought it was Rainbow Dash doing one of her famous double rainbooms, but then as she regained her hearing a much more stronger booming sound this time accompanied with an earthquake and a crashing sound make her noticed that it was not a double rainboom as she anticipated. When she went outside she was shocked to see that the boom was actually made by a weapon, a weapon that she all knew too well, a human weapon! She quickly rushed to the scene as she saw that Lyra was reaching to what looked to be a round metal object and just as she saw a flash of light around Lyra she quicky started a protection spell around herself and Lyra, and then yelled to the mint colored unicorn: "Do not touch the hostile!".


	5. Chapter 5: The XXX Files

**Chapter 5:The XXX Files**

**Somewhere in Equestria**

Cerberus the guardian of the prison of the underworld a 3 headed dog just had a feeling he didn't had in years, the feeling of the presence of a true psychopath who enjoys killing for only pleasure and getting whatever he wanted no matter what the cost, shivers went down his spine as he had a feeling that he was about to receive a death sentence…

**Canterlot FBI (Filly Burrou of Investigation) facility:**

"This is incredible" said one of the researchers as he saw the x-rays of the alien that invaded their planet, "This creature's body is like something I have never seen" said another researcher as she started to check his dna. As the rest of the researchers where checking the creature's equipment, one of them, a yellow Pegasus by the name of Flash Sentry was given the order by Princess Celestia herself to make sure the alien, in case he wakes up didn't make a move on them, "What type of creature is this!" asked Sentry with amusement. "We are not sure but we think this is a human" one of the scientist said to him. "You mean to tell me that this alien is a mythical creature that we equestrians made up to scare little Phillies" Sentry could not hold his laughter while saying this, as he was about to continue talking the human started moving and got off the bed he then stared at Sentry for like thirty seconds it was the most awkwardness that Sentry felt in his life, the scientist started gathering to see the human. "Hello!" said one of the scientists as he started getting close to him "Can you understand me?" she said to the creature, the creature looked at her with a hateful stare as he answered (to everypony's surprise) "Of course you dumb bitch I'm an alien not a fucking idiot!" everypony gasped and started talking to each other "This creature just spoken perfect equestrian!" "Of course I speak you bunch of assholes!" he looked at them with an angry stare "And it's not equestrian you bunch of shitheads! It's English!" he added. "So it's called another name where you come from?" asked one of the scientists talking notes of everything the human had to say. Sentry was observing from a distance as the human was starting to move towards the exit, "Do you come in peace?" asked one of the scientist in a joking kind of way. (Right there is the anestesia talking) "No, I come to enslave all of your stupid kind and take your princesses as sex slaves for sick fat and nerdy pervs to fuck" every pony in the room including Sentry gasped and started getting in defensive mode "Your kidding right?" said one of the guards as he was about to reach to his weapon, "Nope" said the boss as he quickly punched the guard and grabbled the guards weapon "Now listen here and listen well you lame excuse for a brony's wet dream!" said the boss as the rest of the royal guards started to gather around the human "You all are gonna give me my weapons my clothing and my equipment. And let me get out of this place, or help me god I'm gonna cut you all in little pieces and feed you to your families and friends" just as he was finishing his speech a lavender beam he all knew too well was about to hit him, just before it got to hit him everything froze and a clapping sound started to be heard around the room "bravo, good, this is the best fun I had in ages" said a female voice as she started to get close to the human "Da fuq is this?" said the boss as he noticed that every pony was frozen in time except him and the one talking. "I'm glad you asked my friend!" the female voice said as she started to show herself to the human, it was a weird looking black furred pony with bug wings and a crooked horn who he recognized from the TV episode that he was seeing back at the ship "You are… Crysalis is it" he said in an all-knowing voice, "So you have heard of me?" asked the changeling as she started to get close… too close to the human (if you asked him), "You may say that, in a funny kind of way you and me are a lot alike" Said the human getting even closer to the changeling queen (she even blushed) "I had heard a lot of things of you! Amazing things, hell if it wasn't for the fact that you are a cartoon I would even consider doin you! " (she even blushed harder she was about to turn red more redder than a tomato) she then in an evil way laughed and said to him "you know I don't have to be a cartoon if you like!" she then turned in to a naked Shaundy and started touching his cheek, "Hey how the hell do you know how a human woman looks like" she then reached to the nearest desk and grabbed his backpack and opened it and showed him a magazine with the picture of naked Shaundy in the front page, "Everypony in here has been studying you for the last 2 weeks! I heard of one of the guards talk about you so I infiltrated this place and saw everything they were doing to you! " she then pointed to a computer and said "You should check the security cameras so you see what I'm talking about" he then started walking towards the computer and entered the computer files named research and started seeing the files.

**File name:** Lemon Snap's Research Diary

**User: **Lemon L. Snap

**Lab ID: **102435

**Day 1:**

Princess Twilight has brought us in this facility right under the Canterlot castle and showed us this being that she has confirmed it's a human, we tough that this was a joke but then she showed us that being, he sort of looks like a hairless monkey without a tale. Some of the scientists think this to be the lost link between monkeys and sasquatches and yetis, but I think it's just ridiculous.

**Day 2:**

The human has not been reacting to any stimulus that we have given him, meanwhile some of the other scientist have been busy studying the humans equipment we found what looks like a bunch of mini canons some are long and some are weird looking, one of the scientist was able to figure out what are the purposes of those mini canons if you pull that mini trigger it fires tiny cannon balls that travel very fast, if you let your hooves on the mini trigger it keeps firing tiny bullets. The Princesses have cataloged this king of equipment as weapons and told us to not use them.

**Day 3:**

We have been searching through the humans stuff and have found what seems to be a magazine with the front page picture of a female version of a human naked we think this is the human version of porn, so it seems that no matter how advance the civilization is they all have one thing in common… the males like to watch porn!

**Day 4:**

We have discovered that this being has the same dna as all of the species in Equestria so this means this creature can reproduce with any smart species in the planet, it kind of gross me out that that creature can have that kind of ability, it brings shivers down my spine just to think about that thing having sex with anypony!

**Day 9:**

We have finished studying the being physically now we are going to study his mind since Princess Celestia gave us permission to use the mind reading spell on him since he has a small if not none magic presence.

**Day 10:**

We were shocked that this human knew about our existence and what shocked us the most is all the things he has done to other humans he has killed them and destroyed an entire alien civilization we even found out this is a ruler of an entire galaxy we must report this to Princess Celestia at once!

**Day 11:**

We have finally reached the recent part of the human's memories… I wish I could erase what I saw! He does not only know about us but he has seen a lot of porn about us I… I can't believe the elements of harmony where that kind of friends! Yea there friends…with benefits! And I didn't know that Princess Celestia was such a pervert and that other ponies were such perverts and pedophiles please don't get me started on Princess Cadence and Luna! I hope that this info does not get out of this lab and that the memories don't get in the wrong hooves. We have also found out that we are a TV show on a planet called "earth"! No wonder I always feel watched! I must tell of this finding as quick as possible… on second thought I don't wanna imagine the kind of chaos this finding will cause so I think I will tell the team to keep this one under wraps until we decide what to do with this finding!

**Day 12:**

The creature is beginning to show a sign of getting back to normal, as a result of this the Princess has told us to put the weapons in the safekeeping department and have doubled guard duty.

End of data…

As the boss finished reading he stood up from the chair, grabbed the lavander alicorn and put her in front of her own beam, "Lets see how much you like getting zapped by your own beam bitch" to make things even worse he then turned her around and put the beam right in front of her butthole "Lets hope your not a virgin!"he then started lauging turned around and said to the changeling queen: "Do you know where my weapons and armor are?" She then laughed and said to him: "Yes I do, but if you want me to tell you, you must do me 2 favors!" said the queen with a evil grin in her face "and those would be?" he answered "first you must help me destroy this wretched kingdom" she said while she was looking down on her human hands "Done, I hate this fucking place anyway! The other one would be?" he said stairing at Crysalis new form, "You know I have never had sex with a human…" she said staring at the boss seductively. "And… your point is?" he said already knowing what was about to happen, but playing it dumb… puertorircan style. "Don't play dumb I bet a male like you knows what I am talking about!" she then pushed him to the desk and the rest like my good friend Charlie would say its NSFW so yea…


	6. Chapter 6: Dear Princess Celestia

**Chapter 6: Dear Princess Celestia… Go eat a Dick!**

**Back at the Spaceship**

"Boss are you there!" said Kinzie like for the millionth time, "That's it I'm ordering a search party!" said Shaundy to Matt and Kinzie, "Chill girl, if I know the boss and I think I know the guy, he's probably fooling every one of those horses to make them think he is friendly so that when they trust him enough he will stab them all in the back", said Pierce as he was playing chess with Oleg a big muscular rusian guy the boss saved when he went in to Philliphe Loren's Building (He was a Belgian mobster head of the sindicate) to kill him, "Your probably right Pierce, the boss is really sneaky sometimes!" said Shaundy as if she was consolating herself "Like that time he got that surgery to look like that psycho Cyrus Temple", said Kinzie, "Or that time he dressed like that bishop and got Olivia to dress like that Slutty Non from Nite Blade and then he kidnapped Josh Byrk, by the way did you are still getting calls from him?" said Pierce "Thanks for remembering me that douche bag Pierce you really know how to ruin a conversation", said Shaundy as she left the room pissed "Checkmate comarade!" said Oleg to Pierce "Da fuq just happened?" said Pierce.

**Back at the FBI agency**

After getting laid, the boss and Crysalis left the lab but not before copying the files in to his flashdrive and then erased all of the equestrian classified and important files and replacing them with a lot of pictures and videos of (you guessed it!) rule 34 of all of the Princesses and the elements of harmony, and to put the icing on the cake he then hacked in to the four princesses and elements of harmony email accounts and then emailed all of their contacts (Yes that includes other members of royalty from around the planet, friends and family, even some of the mayor news networks including newspapers, TV and radio so yea they were grade A SCREWED!). He then let a note on the Princess of the sun (Celestia):

**Subject:** You just got a taste of what a human can do!

**Body: **Dear Princess Celestia:

Go eat a Dick! Not just any dick, a big fat zebra dick! Oh yea I know all about you! Your family, your friends, your allies, foes, loved ones, in conclusion I know your weaknesses and your strength, your fears will become true, and your pride will be smashed! Unless… you surrender your kingdom and become my sex slave. I know how your kind thinks: "I will rather die than to lose my pride and my followers!" well I tell you this! You have 12 days to reconsider! That was how long you kept me in that research lab to study me and read my mind so I will be a good sport and give you that much time to kiss your ass goodbye and to tell your kingdom that they will be working 24/7 for humanity.

Sincerely yours: The 3rd Street Saints.

"Are you done!" said Crysalis in her normal form "My magic can't hold on forever" she said in an angry tone, "Yeah I'm about done!" he said jumping off his chair, "can we at least see my masterpiece at work!" he said to her in an almost sarcastic begging tone, she then grinned at him and said: "not before you grab that camera and start recording that" she then made a camera appear out of nowhere and the boss grabbed it and put it in recording mode. "Ready! How about you!?" said the boss to the changeling queen, "Ready! I'm really ready!" said Crysalis "Good then let er rip!" as the boss finished that statement a big flash of light happened and the time continued roling, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH" Twilight yelled as the beam of light entered her ass, everyone in the room gasped at the horrible sight that was rolling in front of their eyes. "Twilight!" Flash bolted to the Princess's aid "Call the medics!" he shouted at the scientists, "That's what happens when you mess with humanity cabrón" said the boss to Sentry raising his middle finger at him, "You monster" said Flash as he started to dash towards him, "What did we ever did to you!" as he was about to reach him, the boss quickly banished in a flash of light.

**Canterlot Hospital:**

Outside of the hospital a big ass commotion was happening. "Were here live from the Canterlot hospital as we just heard that the newest member of the royalty Princess Twilight Sparkle has just been injured in what has been called a magic accident of big proportions!" as the reporter continued reporting a big carriage pulled by royal guards just arrived at the scene. "Princess Celestia any news of Princess Twilight" asked the reporter. "We came as fast as we heard" said the princess of the sun as the elements of harmony, and the other two princesses stepped out. As Princess Celestia was about to continue speaking the reporter just got an email, "This is embarrassing can you wait a minute I have to answer this!" said the reporter. As the reporter opened the email her eyes widened and started to stare at the princesses and the elements with disgust then just to make everything worst the royal guards, hospital personal and even them started to receive the same email, the first person to open the email was Rarity who received it from Twilight, "It seems that Twilight is already feeling better!" said Rarity but as she opened the email her smile quickly turned in to a frown as she screamed "What in the name of Equestria is she doing to poor Spikey wikey, and second of all why would she send it to me!" and as she finished that statement she fainted. As the other mares rushed to her aid it was Rainbows turn to see her very first rule 34 pic! As she opened the email she started to turn red so much darn red of blushing as she saw a picture of AJ getting some of her own brother. She then turned to Apple Jack and when she was about to open her mouth she started barfing, after that she fainted, "What is happening?!" said Fluttershy nervously, "Oh I think you all know!" said the reporter as she then showed the picture she received in the cellphone. After she turned to show the picture to the princesses and the not fainted elements they all gasped and started to make excuses "THAT ARE ALL LIES!" said Luna in her royal voice, "Oh really!" said one of the doctors "First of all it couldn't have been a changeling since when they use their magic their horns would shine green" he said as he pointed out one of the pictures in witch Twilight was using her magic on one of the princesses, "Second, it couldn't have been a spell since there are even videos where they all seem to do it on their free will" as he was about to say the third thing that was going thru his mind, Celestia stepped in and said with amazement and horror at the same time in her face "Are you telling me that there are also videos!?" "UHH YESS THERE ARE VIDEOS OF YOU, YOUR SISTER AND OTHER RESIDENTS OF PONYVILLE HAVING INTERCOURSE!" said the doctor with disgust in his voice, "And what's worst is that you are the one that placed them in your youpipe account and you send them via email to all of Equestria and beyond!" everyone agreed as they all started shouting angrily at the princesses and the elements, "You all should be ashamed!', said one pony to the group "You all know that phyllis watch this kind of things in the internet right?" said another pony as she was holding a baby on her hooves and was about to cry, "ENOUGH!" shouted an all familiar voice as she started limping towards the crowd that was about to be turned in to an angry mob. Everypony turned around to see the element of magic limping (with the help of Spike and Flash), "Can't you all see that this is what that monster wants to happen?!" said Twilight as she fainted, "TWILIGHT" the entire group shouted as she fell on the ground, "Quick somebody get a doctor quick!" shouted Flash as he tried to hold her so that she wouldn't feel too hard on the floor.

**Canterlot public library:**

"Ok what now?" asked the boss to Chrisalis as everypony was staring at the boss and the Changeling in a pony form, "well I need to talk to my contacts if you wish to do that thing you want to do!" the queen said to the boss as he was in a llama form, "Remind me, why am I in this stupid form again?" asked the boss to the queen, "Because it fits you perfectly" said the queen with a smile in her face, "Da fuk you mean bitch!" said the boss angrily to the changeling queen "Well you do speak Caballo as first language so I thought that this will be a great for for you, beside I bet that those pesky ponies would think that you would be turned in to a pony since it's very easy to cast that spell, but if I turn you in to a smelly hairy pack mule then even that stupid element of magic wouldn't think that anypony would go so low as to turn you in to that", as they continued walking the boss wasn't looking where he was walking so he accidentally hit a light gray unicorn with a bunch of purple stars as her cutie mark "Hey watch it you…" as the boss was about to insult her he saw that she was picking some books and one of the titles of the books was said pony sutra: new ways to get fucked, as she saw that he saw her picking up that book he couldn't resist his curiosity (another puertorican weakness) so he asked in a fat albert voice "Hey hey hey, who's the lucky fellow that gonna get that ass today!" she looked at him intrigued and replied "Sadly it's not my husband since he's been playing in the same team as me for years!" he then looked at her and said "Well that escalated quickly" the mare looked at him blushing and said "Oh my I'm so sorry, I though you where somepony else" the boss then answered "Nah! Shit happens" "say I haven't seen you around here before, are you new in town?" asked the mare with curiosity "Well yes I just came from Las Pegasus where I helped the donkey mob kill all of the pegasi mobs that were fucking up the place!" said the boss as to make the mare scared of him "Oh my! An adventurer! Can I ask you a few questions to use as reference in the book I'm writing!" she then proceeded to grab a pen and notebook to start writing the answers of the lama as if he would have already agreed with her "UMM sure il bite" said the boss "First question: what is your name?" the boss then started thinking a good name for himself "Tino" he replied as he remembered that name from a movie but in female form and since he is not a girl he changed the last letter with an o, "Wow what an intriguing name!" she said while writing "Second question: How old are you?" "wait why are you asking me this again, I mean do you go around asking ponys and other animals how old are they and shit" said the boss angrily, "Well no, I just ask that kind of questions to ponies that I find intriguing like you" she said in a seductive fashion, "well since you say it like that, I'm 25 years old" he said in an arousing form to her, "Wow your just as old as my daughter" she said looking at the llama "Third question: Where were you born?" "Well I was born in Puerto Rico" he said without remembering that there is no such thing as Puerto Rico in Equestria, "Puerto Rico? Where is that located in?" just there he realized that he just told that pony about a country that did not exist in Equestria "UM that's south of the border in a place that your country tried to steal our food and tried to kill our people before we stood up against your beloved soldiers and killed them gangsta stile before the few that where left ran away like the little pussies they are" he said trying to scare her even more "So your saying that you are part of a society so evil that our kingdom has tried to obscure your presence and erased you from out maps and history?" she said in a non-believing way, "What are you calling me a liar?! Because you don't want to know what I do to ponies that called me that, or do you!?" he said in an intimidating voice again trying to intimidate her, "Is that a threat! Because if it is I will call the royal guards on you!" she said in a threatening way, "I don't care you bitch I'll probably kill them all and then you in front of your fucking daughter and gay ass husband of yours" she then looked at him in an aroused kind of way and then said to his ear "I have never been talk to like that… It's kind of arousing" she then kissed him and said "One last question: Would you have intercourse with me?" he then looked at her and said "what the hell I don't even know your fucking name" she then blushed and said "Oh my where are my manners!" she then said "My name is Twilight Velvet" as she said her name Chrysalis was seeing the whole thing unfold from a distance since the mare looked awfully familiar and was afraid that she would suspect of her so she simply stayed behind of a book shelf, "So what do you say" Twilight Velvet asked the colt, "Well since you put it like that how could I say no to such a charming mare!" he said to Ms. Velvet "You know I have never been with a Llama before, so I'm a bit curious of what kind of package your species caries… Is it as big as a zebra's, and wide as a buffalo's? Can you pleasure me orally as good as a donkey; do you have the stamina of a Pegasus, the strength of a earth pony, or the pleasuring abilities of a unicorn? He then said to himself "Dam this slut has fucked every four legged paquiderm in the book" he then smiled and said "Bitch I'm twice as good at all of those things that all of those species you have fucked combine!" she then smiled at him and said "well see!" saying this she said "Your place or mine?" the boss then said confused "Well if by my place you mean the inn where I stay that is full of drunks and rapist then yes" him saying this made Ms. Velvet say "My place it is them!" as they were on their way to get some, she stopped and said "can we take a carriage because I don't want to be seen with another colt that isn't my husband in the royal carriage since the royal guards could tell my son" the boss said "Uh ok! But you have to pay! Since it's your idea and shit!" "Ok no problem! As long as you're as good as you say you are I will even give you money if I like it a lot!" she said as if doubting that he was as good as he said, "Ok! Sounds like a win-win to me!" everything being said they grabbed a cab and went to her place.


	7. Chapter 7: Twilight's Mom is a Slut!

**Chapter 7: Twilight's mom is a slut!**

**Night Light Residence Canterlot:**

"Oh my! That was everything that I expected plus more!" said Ms. Velvet while smoking a cigarette, "Told ya bitch!" said the boss with a success in his voice, "How about going at it again?!" said Ms. Velvet, "Wow the fifth time! You surely are a slut huh!" said the boss as she was about to get in position, "Give it to me Tino!" said the light grey colored mare, as they were about to get at it the sound of a door opening and a trotting sound started to get closer to the room, as it stopped in front of the room a knock on the door sounded, "Mom are you there its Shinning, it's an emergency!", "Oh shit!" said the boss, "Quick Tino hide in the closet!" said Ms. Velvet while putting the cigarette out and fixing her hair, "Ok!", said the boss as he hid in the closet, as the closet door closed Ms. Velvet opened the room door with her magic and said "Well hello shinny! What's the emergency! Did you impregnate another mare again? Or did you caught another disease?" she asked as if that were the only reasons that he ever visited the place, "No! Not this time!" Said the white stallion while looking at the floor with embarrassment, "Then what is the problem then?" "It's Twilight!" he said at her with preoccupation in his voice, "What did you had sex with her again? No, don't tell me you got her pregnant again?!" said the light gray mare rubbing her face with her hoof "No it's not any of that!" he replied to her concern, "She got hurt badly and is in the Canterlot hospital!" he said to her "Oh my well we better be on our way then!" as she said that a big flash of light came from the closet where the boss was hiding, "What in the name of Celestia is that?" said the male unicorn as he grabbed the sword out of his left side of his belt, "Oh its nothing dear!" she said as she stood in front of the closet, "No! I think your hiding something from me!" said the unicorn as he grabbed his sword and pushed his mother aside and opened the closet door only to be surprised by a punch in his stomach, the thing that shocked Ms. Velvet wasn't the punch, it was the colt or do I say human that punched her son, yes the boss was in his human form and just punched Shining Armor in his gut and then grabbed his sword and then grabbed the knight and placed his own sword in his throat and said to him, "Now listed here cabrón, I was never here and if you tell anypony that I was here I will kill your slutty mom, gay ass dad and bitch of a sister of yours in front of a camera and put it in youpipe! Understood?" he said to the colt, as his mother stared at the mysterious figure with intrigue and confusion at the same time, "You don't scare me!" Shining said to the human, "I have dealt with your kind before! You say that but I bet that you wouldn't even dare to do that!" (Well if there two things that you don't tell a guy that's holding you hostage and that guy turned out to be the leader of an alien armada that in any moment would start invasion are those two sentences right there! But there's no way that he knew that you say? Well yes he didn't knew him but assuming that you know someone's "kind" it's like underestimating that being) "Well I didn't knew you have fought a leader of a galactic empire that is ready to enslave this entire planet, so kudos on that achievement sir" he said to the colt, which replied "You will never succeed!" the boss grinned and said to the colt in his ear "Oh but I already did bitch!" saying this he then stabbed the colt in his stomach and left the place in a big flash of light.

**Underworld:**

"What the fuck am I doing here!?" said the boss as he looked around and saw a tree headed dog staring at him angrily as he was getting ready to attack him the boss looked at him and said "Wow this place keeps getting fucked up by the second!" he then proceeded to get his backpack and reached to a bag that had some dog treats and said to the three headed dog while waving the treats in front of him "sit" to everypony's surprise the three headed dog sat and then begged for the treat "good boy err boys" he then fed the three heads and then looked at his surroundings and saw a hooded colt with a piercing in his nose and that looked pretty weak "I was expecting you!" said the mysterious figure as he started to get closer to the boss, "Who da fuk are you?" said the boss as he reached for his sword "Oh! Where are my manners, my name is Tirek, and to who I have the pleasure of thanking for freeing me?" Said the mysterious colt "Why would I give my name to you?" said the boss in an annoyed tone "Well I overheard from a friend that you needed help destroying the kingdom of Equestria, I transported you here for the purpose of offering my services" as he said that he then bowed and as he did this the other prisoners also bowed to the boss, "Well when you put it like that then my name is the boss, no need to tell you my real name, is there?" said the boss to the entire group, to which the leader of the group said "Of course there's no need to tell your real name boss". "Good!" the boss replied "then can you tell me how to get the fuck out of here?" he said to Tirek "well can you free me first?" said the colt with an evil glare in his face, "Ok, how the fuck do I do that!" said the boss, "Well that stupid dog has the key but every time somepony tries to steal the key he starts to get aggressive and attacks who ever tried to steal it, but since you managed to befriend the mutt you should easily succeed in stealing it!" said the evil colt, "uh ok! Why not!" the boss while scratching his butt said, he then called Cerberus, the three headed dog came as soon as possible to his new master and bowed as if he knew what he wanted, the boss took the key from the dogs neck and gave him another treat, and said "Good boys!" then he used the key on Tirek who then said "Thank you my friend now to get vengeance on those stupid elements of harmony!" with that said he then used his magic to teleport the boss, his new pet Cerberus, himself and the entire group of his servants to the rondevu point… (This was the Everfree forest).

**The Everfree Forest:**

The view was breath taking and awesome there where all of the bad guys that the elements of harmony and the pricesses had taken down "The Great and Powerful Trixie works alone!" said a light blue unicorn to the human as if she would have won the last battle that she fought against the element of magic and her friends, "Ok then fuck off, and don't think I will forget this if you don't work for me then you are against me bitch! So I will personally make sure that you will be raped by a group of fat sweaty neckbeard using bronys" "You dare threatened the Great and Powerful…" "That's another thing" interrupted the boss, "Why the fuck do you talk in third person? Are you so pathetic that since nobody calls you that you have to call that yourself?" she then started to cry "Wahhh! You don't have to be so mean!" she said crying, "Oh buu fucking hooo!" said the boss as he then grabbed the nearest weapon he had and aimed at her "So which is it gonna be get rape by fat losers or join the winning team?" she then wiped her tears and said "Fine, since you put it that way I'll join the team!" with that put aside the boss was introduced to the rest of the team: Sunset Shimmer, a yellow and red mare which he heard that she was a former student of princess Celestia, an earth pony named Linux who was an inventor but was hated among the unicorns for making inventions that where magic proof and that where out lawed by princess Celestia for being too dangerous, a group of dragons that where tired of the loud noise made by the ponies around their hibernating point, a group of griffins that where out casted from their kingdom for reasons they didn't want to say, a group of prisoners that were rescued by Queen Chrysalis, then it was the Queen herself with her changeling children, King Sombra who was looking at everypony as if they were inferiors, Cerberus who became addicted to the treats the boss gave him and finally there was Tirek (and the group of souls that the boss recued) which on his way here sucked a lot of magic of a group of guards that came to stop the group from arriving to its destination so he was in his second biggest form. The boss stood up and said to the crowd, "Friends you are all here because we all have a common enemy, alone all of you have failed but together we will squash those assholes into none existence" after saying that everypony started cheering all except one, Sunset Shimmer was a little bit skeptical and said '"How do you know that as soon as we win we won't turn against you" everypony stood there looking at each other's groups as if what Sunset said was in part true, "Well I think you have a point so that's why I have this!" he then grabbed a radio and said to the radio "Kinzie, can you copy!" "Oh my God! Boss your alive! Are you ok? Do you need help?" said the person on the other side, "Girl chill I'm fine! I need the scout team beta ASAP!" said the boss to the radio "Roger boss deploying Beta team…" "Boss are you ok!" said another voice interrupting Kinzie "Yes Shaundy I'm fine!" said the boss over the radio, "Can I go in the beta team?" "Sure why not!" said the boss "Hey if she's going I'm going too!" said another voice from the speakers "Sure, who else wants to come to this stupid rock?" "I'm in for blowing shit up" said another voice "all right now it's a party, Johnny of course you can come!" "Comrade I think you will need some muscle! Am I right or not!" said another voice in a Russian accent "You just read my fucking mind Oleg my friend!" said the boss as he just started typing the coordinates to Kinzie's computer "Ok I just send you the coordinates, see you all in five!" Said the boss to Kinzie and the rest of the team, "Roger boss see ya later!"

**Ponyville(2 days beforeCoronation day):**

Two days before the coronation of Princess Twilight as the Princess of Ponyville, everypony was getting ready for the event. The Cake family was in charge of the food, Entertainment was in charge of Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich, music was taken care of by DJ Pon3y and the security was taken care for by Flash Sentry and Shining Armor (who made a full recovery). Princess Twilight was still unable to walk by herself so she was walking with a staff which was made by Zecora, the students of the ponyville school where supposed to sing the Equestrian anthem which was pretty much ok since the students all knew how to sing. "Ok students from the top!" said Ms. Cheerily to the students as they started to sing the Equestrian anthem, at the distance a Draconequus we all know and love was busy with an apology speech to give publicly before the anthem, "Let's see, should I go with : I am very very very sorry, or should I go with: I am sooooooooo sorry for betraying my true friends" he said to himself, then it hit him "Why won't I do both?!" he then wrote the last part of his speech. Right there he saw what looked to be an all well-known figure among the crowd "well hello Luna what brings you here?" Said Discord to the Princess of the night, "I think you know very well what I'm here for" she replied. "Oh you sense him too?" as he said that he turned in to the form of a human (a form we all knew too well the human form of the boss). "Do you think he's the one the book told us about?" said Luna with worry in her eyes "Well sadly yes! He's far more powerful that anything that we and the elements of harmony combined, so yea we are screwed!" said Discord as he changed back to his normal form. "I see" said Luna as her thoughts started to revolt around the prophesies of the human that will destroy Equestria.

**Canterlot (1500 years ago):**

A very old Light gray colored colt with a long beard was on his death bed right next to him was a young princess Luna and a group of scribes taking note on everything the old colt said "I Star Swirl the bearded saw the demise of Equestria, and it will come from not a magical being but a being that uses technology too far from thy understandings greater than any weapon made by ponykind" as he said that everypony in the room including Luna gasped, "When will this happen Master Star Swirl?" asked one of the scribes "The time I do not know since thy villain is so advanced in technology yet so primitive it could be a week from now, a year, a decade, a millennia, who knows?" Said the great wizard as he was about to expire, "will they be any signs oh great Master?" asked the scribe to the great wizard, "they will be a lot of signs that this will happen, the first one is a rising of a new Kingdom that will be directed by a new Princess, the second is that he will make allies with all of the enemies of the kingdom, and finally the third and most important sign is that he will be a human, not any human but the leader of an entire fleet of ships that come from another universe, he will be calling himself the boss since he himself does not tell anypony his real name! the ships will all have this symbol" as he said that he made the symbols of a fluor de saints in a purple color and a puertorican flag right next a American flag in the mother ship, "beware of this symbols as they are the symbols that the end is near" as he said this he turned in to dust and the wind took him away "wait don't go how do we stop the human?" said Luna as she started to cry.


	8. Chapter 8: How to lose a mare in 7

**Chapter 8: How to lose a mare in 7 minutes!**

**Outside Everfree Forest (Rendezvous Point Beta)**

The cutie mark crusaders where on their way to the apple barn to see if they can get their cutie marks in cider brewing, "I bet that I will get a cutie mark by makin' the best darn cider that Equestria will ever taste" while they were walking and talking about how great of a cider they will make they hear a loud noise over their heads. "What in tarnation is that?" said Apple Bloom "I think is one of those aliens I heard your granny talk about" said Sweetie Belle "or maybe is Rainbow Dash making a triple rainboom" said Scootaloo as she tried to fly up the trees to see for sure. As the sound started to be louder and sounded closer they started to see a big ship landing behind on the Everfree Forest, "Oh my Celestia! Are those aliens?" said Scootaloo as she started to get exited "we should go tell Twilight" said Sweetie Bell as she started to remember what her sister told her about those kind of situations, "what so that she gets the credit for something we found?" said Scootaloo angrily, "It could be dangerous" said Sweetie Belle and as she was saying that Scootaloo started to sprint towards the ships location. "Scootaloo you come back here!" said Apple Bloom to the orange color Pegasus, but it was too late she was on her way to the landing site, "we have to follow her!" said Apple Bloom to Sweetie Belle. "Ok!" as they start to get close to the landing site they saw what seems to be a big three headed dog running towards them, "quick hide!" said Scootaloo as she hid inside of some bushes, right after they hid the three headed dog stood in front of the bush and he lifted his leg to mark territory, the cutie mark crusaders just found themselves getting pissed on, and as they started to noticed this Sweetie Belle shouted out of disgust, calling the attention of a group of changelings that where guarding the area, "Nice going! Now we will get caught", "indeed you did girls!" said a female voice, as they looked behind them they saw the Changeling queen and a big flash of light afterwards.

**Everfree Forest (Rendezvous Point Beta)**

As the ship started to land the boss's allies saw the logo of the 3rd street saints: The famous purple Fluor de Saints. As the ship doors opened the boss ran right inside the ship to greet everyone, "Que pasa cabrones?" said the boss to the crew, "Yo man wazzup!" said Pierce, "Zdorovat'sya Comrade!" said Oleg as he greeted the boss, "Johnny" said the boss, "ready to make some glue!" "Hell yeah man!" answered Johnny as he picked up his weapons, "Hey boss nice to see ya drop by!" said Shaundy as she looked her surroundings. "Man I can't wait to fuck this planet up!" said Pierce as he grabbed the "Special" weapon he developed against ponies. As they all started to talk about the stuff they planned to do to the planet, Chrysalis appeared in front of them with the three little Phyllis tied up and crying, "Da fuk is that?" said Pierce as he (and the rest of the team) raised their weapons at the queen, "Wooow woow wow! Da fuk guys she's cool!" said the boss as they all lowered their weapons, "Aw man I wanted to shoot something" said Johnny as he lowered his weapon, "Then why don't you shoot this!" said the changeling queen pointing to the three little Phyllis who when hearing Chrysalis suggestion started to cry even louder "Ok then" Johnny then Aimed his magnum at Sweetie Belle's forehead, "Wait I just got a better idea" he said at Gat as he was about to pull the trigger and send Sweetie Belle to the great pasture beyond, he then looked at the three little mares and asked them: "Are you gonna participate in the school performance of the anthem?" the little mares stood there with tears roling down their cheeks, right then he grabbed Johnny's gun and aimed in at Apple Bloom and yelled "If you don't answer me I'm gonna start shooting so talk or die!" this said the orange phylli said: "Yes we are gonna be in the performance and whats best is that we are the main vocalists" right there the boss lowered his gun and called Trixie and Sunset Shimmer, "So can you hypnotize ponies?" asked the boss to the two of them, "hypnotize? That's phylli's play" said Shimmer as she was glowing her horn, "good!" said the boss, "I need you to hypnotize this girl so that instead of the anthem they can sing a famous song of my planet!" "We will never sing anything that offends out kingdom!" said Apple Bloom, "Wow! Surprising how stereotypical this series is!" said the boss as he sat down next to the cutie mark crusaders. "I beg your pardon?" said Apple Bloom as she saw the boss's reaction "I mean the pony with a hillbilly accent defending her country! Last night I was turned in to a llama and you know what I was called by a southern colt in Appleloossa" said the boss as he remembered with a big grin in his face, "Go back to the south you furback!"he said trying to imitate the southern accent," At least that was what I think the horse was about to say before I stabbed him in his neck!" as he said this Apple Bloom remembered that his cousin BraeBurn lived in that town, "any way I ended up killing that assholes whole family and burned his apple farm to the ground! What was his name again Brade Burnt? No I think it was Rae Durn, or some shit like that!" as he finished the story Apple Bloom started to cry and yelled at the boss: "You monster that was my cosin when I get my hooves on you I will…" right about that moment the boss shot the gun at the sky and aimed it at the phylli "da fuk are you threatening me? Oh yea I forgot I was the one being captured and tied up, with a gun in my head here, Oh no what's that you say? I'm the one with the gun? Oh is that so! Then you should shut the fuck up before I blow your fucking head up so you can get fucked by your cousin in hell!" when said this, the boss lowered his weapon and said: "But no you will first serve your purpose and then die!" this said the boss told Sunset and Trixie what to make the Phyllis sing.

**Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville**

"Where in tarnation are those Phyllis" asked Apple Jack, an Orange mare that always wore a cowboy hat to a red stallion that had plowing gear on, "I don't know I thought they wanted to learn how to make Granny Smiths famous apple cider!" said the red colt to his worried sister, "maybe something happened to them! We should search for them!" said the mare, as she was about to go she saw the three cutie mark crusaders walking in her direction. "Where the hay where ya'll" asked Apple Jack, "We were in the everfree forest trying to get out Timberwolves taming cutie mark!" said Scootaloo, "Yeah It was fun! You should have been there Sis!" said Apple Bloom, "I enjoyed myself a lot!" said Sweetie Belle, but then something didn't added up, the crusaders looked like they were crying and they smelled like urine, not to say they looked like they were beaten. "Are you sure ya'll was doin what ya'll said you were doin?" asked Apple Jack since she knew when ponies where lying, but that was it she didn't know if they were telling the truth because they didn't acted suspicious, so she let it slip. "Ok! I believe ya! But I think ya'll should take a bath! Ya'll smell worse than Big Mac after a date with Ms. Cherilee!" she said before thinking why he always smelled like piss and sweat after a date with the local school teacher. As she continued doing what she was doing she heard a big crash coming from behind the barn, so she went and check it out, "Sorry about that!" said a grey Pegasus with eyes in opposite looking directions, "Derpy what in tarnation are ya'll doin here?" asked Apple Jack since she saw her wearing her mailmare gear, "I got some special delivery from the colonel's office in Appleloossa!" "That's weird I don't know anypony who's a colonel in Appleloossa" as she gave her the letter she then said "Well I gotta go, this colonel has been sending a lot of letters lately! He must be very popular!" as she lifted flight again and left the farm Apple Jack opened the letter, as Apple Jack started reading she then notice it wasn't from a colonel, it was from a coroner official. "It can't be!" she said as she read the next few lines of the letter that confirmed what she was afraid of.

The letter was like this:

**Coroner's Office Appleloossa PD**

To any familiar of the following:

Braeburn Appleseed

And/or

Apple Fritter

We are sorry to inform you that the individual(s) listed above where killed by an unknown murderer, please pass to the Appleloossa Police Department for body identification and belongings removal, we are deeply sorry for the inconvenience this will make, and once again we reassure you that the Equestrian government will not rest until this and all the other recent murders, will be resolved, may the goddesses help you in this time of need.

Signed Coroner:** Massa Tommy**

As Apple Jack finished reading this she couldn't even move as she felt that a part of her died, as she then started crying, as this happened her brother and grandmother were entering the room and as they saw her lying on the floor weeping, they all rushed to her aid, "Sis what's wrong" as he said this Granny Smith saw that she was holding a letter and as she then saw the tittle of the letter she then said "I was afraid that that phone call where real!" she said as her Grandson asked "What are ya'll talking about?!" Granny Smith then started crying and then said "your two cousins where murdered in their farm in Appleloossa!" he then said "I see" as he said that Apple Jack grabbed her brother and Grandmother and said to them: "We must not tell Apple Bloom about this until after we identify the body to make sure it really them! Ya'll have to promise me!" she said with tears rolling down her cheeks "We Promise" they both said to the heart broken mare.

**Ponyville Coronation day:**

It had been 12 days since the boss threatened princess Celestia, and the Princess looked very worried, "Tia was wrong?" asked Luna to her sister, "Oh it's nothing; I'm just thinking about how nervous Twilight should be! After all it's not every day that you get your own kingdom!" as she said this, the introductive music played telling everypony that it was time to start the ceremony.

In the crowd they were all of the residents of Ponyville, as some other unknown faces, but since it was a coronation it was expected that even ponies from far away would show up, so nopony give importance. Between the unknown crowds they were our heroes (or should I say Anti-Heroes), disguised thanks to a spell made by Sunset Shimmer, there was Shaundy (who was a purple colored unicorn with a broken light bulb with smoke coming from it as her cutie mark) Johnny (a yellow with dark purple Pegasus with a Gat as his cutie mark), Oleg (a gigantic black and purple earth pony with a broken skull inside of a red star cutie mark), Pierce (a purple with gold striped zebra with a saints flow can as a cutie mark) and the boss (since his last form would be easily recognized by Shining Armor so he was now a blue and red Pegasus with the purple flour de saints inside the puertorican flag as his cutie mark). They were all ready to do protocol glue factory as soon as the boss gave his cue (which will be after the crusaders finish singing the" New Equestrian Anthem") "Is alpha team ready?" the boss asked thru his walkie talkie, "Ready!" said Queen Crysalis as she and her changeling children just finished tying the Cakes and their employees (including Pinkie Pie!, how you ask? Simple! Crysalis used the old "does this smells like chloroform to you?" trick), "Good! Cause it's your cue!" saying this Crysalis transformed in to Pinkie Pie and grabbed the can that the boss gave her and told her to give the drink to Discord and Luna, when she asked what was in the drinks the boss simply said "something that will make them open their eyes!" So then she poured the drinks in to the two glasses and went directly to the moon princess and the god of chaos, "Here you go your majesty! Complements from the fellow in the left corner!" as she said that the boss looked at Luna and winked at her in a seductive way "Oh my! He's how you mares put it? HOT!" she said as she blushed. It was then Discords turn to drink the concoction, She then stood next to Discord and said "Fluttershy told me to give this drink that she made with love to his best friend!" as shee said this she then gave the drink to Discord who was suspicious "You say that Fluttershy made this huh?" he said as he standed next to the changeling queen in Pinkie's form "yes she said that it was a thank you present for saving our buts against that dummy Tirek!" "Oh!" said Discord as he grabbed the drink "Ok I'll thank her personally later!" he said as he winked the yellow Pegasus "Can you tell her to meet me at my place after the Ceremony, I'm gonna give her my present wrapped, if you know what I mean!" he said to the changeling queen in Pinkie's form. She then left the podium and back to the catering room, while trying to forget what Discord and Luna said. "It is done!" said the queen to the boss thru her walkie talkie, as the mayor of Ponyville finished saying her speech it was Discord's turn to Shine, as he stood up, the drink started to make effect on both Luna and Discord. "Hey boss what was on that drink again?" asked Pierce as he saw Discord's and Luna's face. "Do you remember the time we went to the family guy universe?" said the boss with an evil look in his eyes "How to forget? You helped that evil big headed talking baby bring his doll to life!" said pierce while still looking at the two formerly evil characters "Well in exchange for that he gave me a grudge potion!" "Grudge potion? da fuk is that!" (Flash Back BITCHEZ!)

**Quahog Rhode Island**

"So how does this work again?" asked the boss to Stewie Griffin "It's easy! You just Mix a little bit of the meat of the ruling species pee on it and mix it with a bit of CoolWhiph!" "I didn't understood the last thing, what was that?" asked the boss to the baby genius "CoolWhip!" said Stewie Griffin again, right there the boss realized that Stewie was messing with him so he did what any purtorican would when someone is messing with him, speak Spanish "Bueno mi pana gracias por bregar conmigo!" Stewie looked at him and said "I don't understand that taco language of yours! Speak English, this is America dammit!" said Stewie Griffin "Oh so you can speak that shit that I don't understand but when I do it you get pissed huh?" said the boss right back at him "Ok, ok fine! Use the the meat of the ruling species then pee on it and then use cool whip" "Now on to how the potion works: Its simple really once the person or alien drinks the concoction he will remember all of the reasons why he became a villain and his hate will triple and also the love kindness and friendship will be consumed by the hate consuming it completely! Making him/her soul be twice or even more evil than when he was a villain" said the talking baby "Ok thanks man!" said the boss to the baby "Now where is the dam reanimation gun!?" said Stewie to the boss "Here you go! Don't shot your eye out, or it will become a living being and rip itself off your head!" said this and the gun hander to the baby he aimed it at his teddy bear "Let's see if it works!" he then shoot the gun at the toy bear "Oh my fucking god living hurts as fuck!" said the toy bear, "Oh my god Rupert your alive!" said the baby at the toy bear "No shit Sherlock!" said the toy bear as the baby hugged him "Got any beer?" asked Rupert "Rupert you drink?" "Of course I drink, I'm not a pussy!" this said the boss stood up and said: "Well enjoy your living bear! I gotta universe to rule!" "Hey, hey don't leave me here!" said Rupert "Hope you enjoy your new life!" this said the boss said to his watch "Beam me up scotty, Man I always wanted to say that!" "You sound so corny right now!" Said Matt on the other side of the TV Transporter. As he said this the boss disappeared Start Trek style. (END OF THE FLASH BACK BITCHEZ!)

**Back at the Coronation Ceremony**

"Oh yeah that was some adventure!" said the boss as he saw that Discord was wrapping up his speech, "So once again I am very, very, very, very soooooo sorry for betraying my friends and everyponies trust!" saying this everypony stood up and clapped. As he sat down the master of ceremonies stood up and started introducing the Ponyville students singing the Equestrian anthem. "Is Beta team ready?" said the boss to the two unicorns in charge of hypnotizing the Phyllis "Of course remember to say the activation word!" said Sunset Shimmer "Good!" "And now without further ado here they are the Ponyville grade school students and their teacher Ms. Cherilee to sing the Equestrian National Anthem" "Ok that's your cue Linux!" "Ok man! Hacking the music system! aand done! Setting the audio and activation word!" as he placed the music and pressed play, an all common sound known in all the galaxies and universes in all the fan fiction land! "LOOOOUUUD FAAAARRTT NNNNOOOOIIISSEEE!" all of the ponies in there looked in disgust (except for the colts 'cus let's face it what male doesn't enjoy a good fart noise? Some of them even laughed! Including Spike and some of the royal guards including Shining Armor who was sitting next to his wife and Flash Sentry who was sitting next to Twilight), Right then the music started playing, but surprise, surprise! It wasn't the music that was supposed to play it was well known music called Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks, but with an Equestrian Twist. "Can you fix that?" asked the Princess of the sun to the pony in charge of the music "I'm trying but the computer doesn't respond!" said this, the Phyllis started singing:

Bitches ain't shit, bitches ain't shit  
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks  
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick  
Lets get the fuck out after you're done  
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run...  
I used to know a bitch named Rainbow Dash  
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes in a flash Tighter than a mutharfuckin' gangsta bail  
And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Cloudsdale

Peep that shit, got deep and it was on  
Number one song after number one song  
Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat  
I didn't give a fuck where the bitch was at  
But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do  
Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or two  
And the ends that she got meant nothin'  
Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit

Bitches can't hang with the streets  
She found herself short  
Now she's takin' me to court  
That's some real conversation for your ass

I once had a bitch named Rarity  
Used to be up in them guts with everything  
The pussy was the bomb, had a nigga on sprung  
I was in love like a muthafucka lickin' the protung  
The homies used to tell me that she wasn't no good  
But I'm the maniac in black, Ms. Scoot Eastwood  
So I figure niggas wouldn't trip with mine  
Guess what? Got gaffled by one time

I'm back in the muthafuckin' county jail  
Six months on my chest, now it's time to bail  
I get's released on a hot sunny day  
My nigga Scooty L. and my homey Ms. Belle  
Scooped in a coupe, Bloom we got the news  
Your brother was trickin' while you was draped in your county blues  
I ain't been out a second  
Now I already gotta do  
Some muthafuckin chin checkin

Move up the block as we groove down the block  
See my own house, Scoot, pass the glock  
Kick in the door, I look on the floor  
It's my little cousin Babs and he's fuckin' my Bro  
I uncocked my shit...  
I'm heart-broke but I'm still locked  
Man, fuck that bitch!  
...3,...4,...

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks  
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick  
Gets the fuck out after you're done  
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run...  
I used to know a bitch named Apple Jack  
We used to roll around and fuck the hoes in the crack  
Tighter than a mutharfuckin' gangsta thrill  
And we was ballin' on the muthafuckin' Ponnyville

Peep that shit got deep and it was on  
Number one song after number one song  
Long as my muthafuckin' pockets was fat  
I didn't give a fuck where the bitch was at  
But she was hangin' with a white bitch doin' the shit she do  
Suckin' on his dick just to get a buck or two  
And the ends that she got meant nothin'  
Now she's suing cuz the shit she be doin' ain't shit

Bitches can't hang with the streets  
She found herself short  
So now she's takin' me to court  
That's some real conversation for your ass  
Bitches can't hang with the streets  
Bitches can't hang with the streets  
Bitches can't hang with the streets  
Bitches can't hang with the streets

As the song was finished, Princess Celestia stood up and shouted "WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS TRAVESSTY!?" as she said this the boss yelled: "Right here bitch!" as he then said this he grabbed his gun and aimed it at her, "GUARDS SEIZE HIM!" said this a large group of guards surrounded the boss and pointed their spheres and swords at him, "Your under arrest for conspiracy against the country of Equestria!" said the princess, "Oh really you and what army!?" said this the entire group of guards turned around and aimed the weapons at her, "WHAT? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" said Princess Cadence. "Fuck you! You stupid bitch!" (Now this was the part that everybody was waiting for!) as everybody turned to see who said this they were surprised to see that the pony who said this was seating on the spot where princess Luna was seating but she was in her Nightmare Moon form, she then stood up and shoot a big ass beam from her horn and hit the Crystal princess in her face, "What? Luna how could you?" said her sister with a heart broken voice, "Why wouldn't I? You stupid piece of shit always treat me like I'm a step on your way to total monarchy! Well I say to you nay!" right then it started raining Chocolate milk, "NO IT CAN'T BE!" said Twilight as she saw that indeed it was what she thought, "HA, HA, HA, HA, I'm free, I'm fucking free." Said Discord as the chocolate rain turned in to fire, then everypony started to run and cry, and even the elements of harmony were afraid, "What will we do!" Twilight said as she started to run towards the Princess of the Sun, right there the boss grabbed a rifle and shoot the new alicorn princess on her hooves, she then fell on the floor with agonizing pain as the boss transformed back to his human form and grabbed a sword and placed it on her neck. He then looked at Celestia and said "You better surrender bitch or the lame copy of Stocking gets it!" "Ok I surrender!" "What? Princess we can take 'em" said Rainbow Dash as she started to dash at the boss "Oh no you don't bitch!" said Johnny as he then shoot a few shots at the rainbow colored pony who received all of the shots in her back "AHHHHHHH!" she yelled as she fell on the floor leaving a trail of dirt and blood behind her "OH CRUD!" she yelled as she found herself wounded, then Johnny aimed his gun at the wounded Pegasus head and was ready to end her, "Hey boss should I put the bitch out of her misery?" "Gee I don't know should you? Huh Twilight? Should He?" he said as he grinded his sword against the princess neck cutting her slightly in the process, "No please! We surrender!" she said as she was crying from the pain and resentment, "Good!" He then picked his walkie talkie and said "Tirek it your time to shine!" "With pleasure my friend!" said the big red monster as he showed up and started sucking all of the remaining resistance and civilian's magic, "Right as we practice huh?" said the boss as he let go of the Princess as Tirek sucked all of hers and the other two princesses magic, "Ahh yes even more tastier the second time around!" said Tirek as he finished sucking all of the magic around. "Guards take them away!" said the boss as he stood up and aimed at the cameras with his gun and shot them.


	9. Chapter 9: TWilight Sparkle and The Glue

**Chapter: 9**

**Twilight Sparkle and the Glue Factory**

?: Twilight, Twilight! Hey you goddam cheap ass copy of Stocking wake up!

?: She's not responding! Want me to give her the Stuff?

?: Sure why not!

?: Clear!

(Twilight groans as she gets woken up by an electric shock machine)

Twilight: Where am I?

The Boss: Well my one horned winged friend you're in the Twilight zone!

Twilight: I don't get it…

The Boss: Oh yeah you didn't have that TV show in here!

Twilight: Where are my friends?

The Boss: Well all of them are being reeducated by my associates next door!

Twilight: How dare you! Wait till the Princesses find out of this they…

The Boss: Bitch the White one is being beaten up as we speak the black one is my ally and the pink one is also being reeducated!

Twilight: Just you wait somepony will manage to beat you! You'll see!

The Boss: You don't get it do you! It's over; your friends are all either dead, had their mind erased or are slaves, so yeah your rescue boat just left, like just when you decided to let me live!

Twilight: no… *sob*

The Boss: what's this! You're crying! Really… wow now that's something your mom said not to make you do!

Twilight (angry): Don't you dare touch her or I swear to Celestia I will kill you!

The Boss: Wow now that's a first right there! (Looks at screen) you got that Stan!

Stan: Yes I did!

The Boss: How much of it?

Stan: All of it!

The Boss: Good, good! Can wait to pound some Velvet Strange!

Twilight (Super Angry): Don't you dare talk about my mother that way!

The Boss: What it's not my fault your mom is a whore!

Music kicks in the background:

The Boss: Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

Poundin' your mom, Poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

You know we straight, poundin', poundin' your mom.

I'm poundin your mom. Yes yours!

I first saw her in a book store acting like a whore.

Pink and white hair like a Japanese cartoon

But her ass was lookin good that fine afternoon

I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

She had two books, and one of the titles said new ways to get fucked.

Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

So we went and rocked the royal carridge like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin your mom like she was a big ass slut.

I gave her a lift back to her crib cause she didn't want to get caught.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin out again.

How many times I tap that ass?

Changeling guards: OVER 9000!

The Boss: Yeah. I called her Hoover cause of the way she sucks it off.

She later called a friend and we made a threesome.

And she knows how I like it, and even knows how to please mares

So every night, I'm with one of your friends poundin your mom.

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom,

Poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

You know we straight, poundin', poundin' your mom.

I like your mama's big plot, and I cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that nigga.

She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half zebra.

Your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she aint a chef

And I blame it on the ci-ci-ci-ider

But If I were you, I wouldn't hug you mother either.

She also told me that you and your brother are child of the milk man.

Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed while I pound her big vag.

She likes rough sex with hoovecuffs and I'll be honest

The only reason she married your dad was cause of her need for money

While I was using her back door she told me that your dad is gay.

She's so therapeutic and she goes both ways!

I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

Cause I'm in your house every night poundin your mom.

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin',

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

You know we straight, poundin', poundin' your mom.

The Boss (In T-Pain voice): Havin sex with your mother and that makes me better than you.

Havin sex with your motheeeeer and that makes me better than you.

The Boss: Hit it Discord!

(Discord makes guitar solo)

The Boss: Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

Poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom, poundin', poundin' your mom

You know we straight, poundin', poundin' your mom.

Music concludes

Twilight: No! It can't be! All of those years!

The Boss: I didn't even believe it myself first but after all of that sex I've been having with her it's not that hard to believe! You know what I'm saying!

Twilight: *Sob* It all make sense now those entire colts mom and dad where teaching all of those hours in the guess room while playing that dam record over and over again! I don't want to be a Princess anymore! Everything I thought about my family was a lie!

The Boss: Wow and Discord said that it would be hard to break you! All it took was a musical number about me having sex with your mom, telling you about your dad being gay, that you and your brother don't come from your "dads" testicles and telling you that all of your friends are dead, work for free or don't remember you! Now that's a first!

Stan: Uhh Boss the Show will be on in 5!

The Boss: Thanks for the warning Smith you may take the rest of the day off!

**TV's (that are seeing any channel in planet Earth and in Equestria):**

Elmer Fudd: Be Bewie bewie quiet I'm hunting wabit!

Broadcast announcer: We interrupt this program to give you the next report!

(TV Shows a badly beaten and tied up Princess Celestia right next to a group of other leaders of the once joyful planet of Equestria.)

The boss: Hello everyone that's seeing their TV right now! As you all can see your leaders have been held captive, *Gasp* what's that you say? Who will rule you know? Well who just killed the ruler of donkey land and haves two thumbs? This guy! (Points at himself).

Nightmare Moon: But you haven't killed him yet!

The Boss: Oh yeah! Silly me!

(Point's gun at the donkey president as the camera zooms in)

The Boss: don't worry I won't make an ass of myself!

(Shoots gun at the donkey president's face, Blood sprays in camera lens)

The Boss: Ops I think I over did it!

Discord: You think! I mean even I have limits…

The Boss: Da Fuq you mean!?

Discord: Well not to be a party pooper or anything but if I where you I wouldn't be swearing on a kids show!

The Boss: Huh!

Discord: You see my friend…

(Discord makes everything disappear and replaces then with a FCC Rating logo)

Discord: Right now this show is TV 7

The Boss: So!

Discord: Every time you do five bad things that are not of that rating in front of a TV camera you will get a higher rating!

The Boss: Soooo…

Discord: You just did two so if you do three more you will be TV G!

The Boss: You mean like this!

The boss shoots everyone Except the Princess in front of the TV camera

The Boss: This are all the fucks I give right here!

Discord (Makes a calculator appear out of nowhere): HHHHMM… Let's see! That is every ruler of foreign countries killed in national TV and Swearing…

The Boss: On a kids show!

Discord: Yes on a kids show!

Discord (Finishes his calculations): Well according to this we just ascended to a NC- 17 Rating!

The Boss: What! I thought we would be a Not to be viewed by any one category!

Discord: Well in order to do that you must *Cough* Have sex with an animal in TV!

The Boss: That could be arranged!

(The Boss calls a group of strong big packaged men to the set)

Porn Star 1: Were getting paid extra for this right!

The Boss: Oh please I saw you fucking a donkey once in a porno! And besides Zimos told me you would do it!

Porn Star 2: …

Porn Star 3: … Sooo who is the lucky girl *Cough* Mare who will get mauled?

The Boss: Right here!

(The Boss Orders the guards to send the group of "lucky" Mares to appear)

MS. Cheerily: What is happening! I thought you were going to teach us how your species mates!

Lyra: Yeah … I umm… Would like to see it!

Spitfire: Well I am here on behalf of the Wonder Bolts to offer our surrender

Lyra: *Gasp* I thought you said your team would never surrender!

Spitfire: What choice do I have! The changelings caught almost all of our best flyers and Tirec has almost sucked all of our magic away from us, then we received a letter from The 3rd Street Saints saying that if we didn't surrender we would end up like Gen 1 Equestria, I don't know how that ended up but if a letter just poofs out in front of you like that and has a picture of Princess Celestia tied up while she is beaten by a group of hairless monkeys then my hooves are really tied up!

The Boss: I accept your surrender! Now if you please sign here! (Hands her a paper that only says I surrender)

(Spitfire reads it)

Spitfire: Umm… why does it only says the words I surrender in this paper? What are the conditions?

The Boss: what conditions, do you really wanna negotiate with the guy that destroyed all of your planets kingdoms in less than a month!

Spitfire: …

The Boss: I thought so!

Spitfire: Ummm… why are those humans looking at us like that?

The Boss: Well my friends you will be the first to experience my friendship with benefits is magic bundle pack!

The Boss (Looks at camera infomercial music plays in the background): That's right friends now you can fuck a pony!

Spitfire: What! I didn't sign the peace treaty for this!

The Boss: Well my winged friend is it one thing my Jewish friends at Wall Street have taught me is to always read the small print!

Lyra: What small print!

The Boss: Discord if you may!

Discord: Of course my Puerto Rican friend!

(Discord gets a big ass magnifying glass and shows it to the three unlucky mares)

The Boss: Where it is… Oh here it is!

(The Boss points to the littlest print of all which reads…)

… I also will let the 3rd Street Saints use me as a prostitute, hoe, slut and all of the other words used to describe that I will work for them as a sexual encounter worker and if I do not agree I would then be sent to the glue factory

Spitfire: I would rather work in a glue factory than be someone's bitch!

The Boss: Are you sure!

Spitfire: Yes I'm positive!

The Boss: Even if you are going to be skinned alive, your hooves to be cut off and be turned to glue, your skin to be turned to someone's rug and your meat to be made dog chow!

Spitfire: … what!

The Boss: You stupid cunt you actually think I would let you work in a factory!

Spitfire: But…

The Boss: Biiiiitch, where do you think glue comes from?

Lyra: Magic?

The Boss: Wow! How dumb is this planet! I mean I even conquered it in less than a month! And with only the scout troops!

Spitfire: You wouldn't dare!

The Boss: Ohh? Really! Will someone roll the clip!

Tom Tucker: Hello everyone Tom Tucker here with a special video about how your life will be now that you're under the control of the 3rd Street Saints, in this the channel news 5 special report:

Big Ass Deep Voice: So You Just Got Powned?

Big Ass Deep Voice: Chapter 1: So You Just Got Invaded?

Tom Tucker: Ahh, Tameran, what a beautiful planet it is during spring time! But what's this?

(Suspense Music Plays)

Tom Tucker: Why it's the Boss and ruler of the galaxy! The leader of the 3rd Street Saints!

Starfire: Why they look like a friendly race!

Tom Tucker: At first they will see like a friendly race with their trading and cultural exchange but don't be fooled by their friendly appearance, since if you know anything about how the Europeans conquered the Native Americans, you would see that the first thing they did when arriving in America was that they started studying their culture and search for ways to exploit their beliefs!

The Boss: Well hello there everybody you all look like you would like to try some of my intergalactic famous, Morcilla*!

(Morcilla: Puerto Rican cuisine that is made out of a mix of rice, pig blood, and other types of leftover meat stuffed in pig intestines)

Tameranian 1: (tastes the Morcilla) *Gasp* this is the best thing I had ever tasted in my life!

Tom Tucker: *Laughing* Of course it is but why!? For information on why does this taste so good to them we go to our correspondent Ollie Williams, take it away Ollie:

Ollie Williams: They researched their Cultures Tastes buds!

Tom Tucker: Anything else Ollie?

Ollie Williams: They added a lot of Expired mustard to this!

Tom Tucker: Thanks for that report Ollie!

Ollie Williams: (Off Set) This Tastes like Shit! You want some Tom!

Tom Tucker: No thanks Ollie!

Big Ass Deep Voice: Chapter 2: So You Just Got Enslaved?

Tom Tucker: Just like the case of the pilgrims, the 3rd Street Saints will use the locals to do their dirty work!

The Boss: I hereby command that the locals will help us with what we tell them!

Everyone (Including the Tamerainians): *Cheering*

The Boss: Like shooting fish in a Barrel!

Tom Tucker: But just like the Indians in Columbus times they will sooner or later get tired of their rulers, but just like the Europeans, it will be too late, since the 3rd Street Saint would have found a way to out Smart/Power/Number/Run them! In the case of the Tameranians the 3rd Street Saints just Cut their food supplies and replace their food with something that would make them Sluggish, in this case for example The Boss hired Soul food specialist and former restaurant owner, Mr. Robert J. Freeman better known for his addictive food that almost turned a community in to the fattest place on earth!

Mr. Freeman: At first I was afraid of getting sewed, but after I read the contract with a giant magnifying glass and making sure this Nigga wouldn't try to Jew me, I signed it! Now I am one of the riches Black man in the universe… I'm even richer that that fat asshole Wuncler! Now the Nigga is working fo'me!

Wuncler: Mr. Freeman I'm finished cleaning all of the toilets in this goddam State, can I go home now!

Mr. Freeman: Bitch did I say you could talk!

Wuncler: no but I…

Mr. Freeman: (louder) Bitch did I say you could talk!

Ryley: (Surrounded by his crew): Hey Granddad! Want my crew to whop his ass!

Mr. Freeman: Not today! Today I will whop his ass personally!

(Granddad pulls out his belt)

Mr. Freeman: Looks like I'm Gonna get to try out my new Feraligatr Skin belt!

Wuncler: No… I'll go clean the entire country's bathrooms! Just don't beat me up with that belt! I'm still paying the doctor for the previous beating! *Sigh* If I only wouldn't pissed off the Boss by calling him a Mexican I would still be the 4th riches White man on earth!

Tom Tucker: *Cought* Well as I was saying, The Boss hired Mr. Freeman to get the Tameranians to eat his Soul Food which If you haven't tried it out then you wouldn't know that it gets you very sleepy, even Tameranians 9 stomachs couldn't stand up to this Cuisine! And since it's addictive and causes whoever eats it to turn in to a fatter version of java the hut they couldn't fight! In just weeks the Tamaranians surrendered to their invaders, one of the shortest invasions in the Saints history!

Big Ass Deep Voice: Chapter 3: So what Now?

Tom Tucker: As the 3rd Street Saints Boss just finished conquering another planet we wonder ourselves, what will he do next!

The Boss: (Surrounded by fat Tameranian woman) What Ever the Fuck I Want!

Tom Tucker: I'm Tom Tucker, and on behalf of channel 5 news and the entire planet earth we welcome you to our new enslavement program!

Ollie Williams: (Off Set) don't do anything Stupid!

Tom Tucker: I hope they hear you Ollie I really hope they do! We don't want another, disaster like the one that happened in Gen 1 Equestria don't we!

(Tom hears someone speaking thru his ear piece)

Tom Tucker: Oh! Whats this? Looks like we have some footage of that! (Talking to his head piece) Are we gonna roll it? Oh we are? Good! I can smell a Pulitzer!

(Gen 1 Equestria from Space)

The Boss(From his space ship): Fuck this planet!

(Gen 1 Equestria Explodes)

Announcer: This has been a presentation by The 3rd Street Saints to the local opposition

Woman Singing: You're Being Attacked by The 3rd Street Saint Just Give Up!

Announcer: And by viewers like you! Fuck You!

The Boss: So what will it be!?

Spitfire (Crying): Okay I'll do it!

The Boss: I tough so!

The Boss: *Cough* any ways… with only a monthly fee of 69.69 you will get unlimited access to pony plot!

Announcer very fast: The 3rd Street Saints does not take responsibility if you take some weird ass unknown alien STD from one of our workers, also we do not take responsibility if one of our workers bite your dick off like a carrot and munch on your balls like their a pair of grapes, and if you get a unicorn worker do not put their horn on any of your orifices you've been warned. The 3rd Street Saints only accept cash for their workers services, if you mutilate one of our workers you're a dead mother fucker! (Normal Slow voice) Call now!

The Boss: But wait that's not all! If you call now you will get to select which type you will fuck! We have:

Announcer: Winged!

Spitfire (Still Crying): *Sob* don't look at me!

Announcer: Horned!

Lyra: I'm a unicorn!

Announcer: and for all you sick mothafuckers Plain

Ms. Cheerily: I'm an Earth Pony!

The Boss: Whatever!

The Boss: Call now at 1800-666-6969

The Boss: I hope you got the number because I don't like to repeat myself!

Porn Star 1: Can we get this over with! I got HUMAN Women to fuck!

Porn Star 2: Dibs on the winged one!

Porn Star 3: Dibs on the horned one!

Porn Star 1: Ooh shit so I have the Plain one… this sucks!

Ms. Cheerily: For the last time I'm an Earth Pony!

The Boss (Walking away): Whatever!

The Boss: One last thing *Claps*

(A group of doctors injects the mares with something)

Spitfire: What was that?

Lyra: Why do I feel like when I'm around Bon Bon?

Ms. Cheerily: I feel like when I was under that love spell!

Discord: What did you injected them with?

The Boss: A little something I like to call Vitamin X

Nightmare Moon: What does that do?

The Boss: It makes them very Horney!

Nightmare Moon: But doesn't Lyra already have a horn!

(The Boss face palms)

The Boss: It gets them wet!

Nightmare Moon: Ohh, it makes them cry!

The Boss: Really! Let me try it another way!

The Boss: Do you speak Spanish?

Nightmare Moon (Confused): I don't Follow Is that some Language that sounds the same in thy planet but it's called different in mine?

The Boss: Maybe?

Discord: Oh I think you mean Caballo!

The Boss: Caballo da fuck is that language?

Discord: It's this planets version of Spanish!

The Boss: Well in that case… Do you speak *Snickers* Caballo?

Nightmare Moon: Si

The Boss: Ok pues Las pone bieen Bellacas

Nightmare Moon: Oh my!

Porn Star 1: Woah this bitch is a thousand times better than a human at this!

Porn Star 2: I bet I can make her finish faster than you!

Porn Star 3: You're on! Loser has to bang that purple haired white unicorn with the cheap British accent we saw earlier and put it on a free porn site!

Porn Star 2: Woah this guy is playing hard ball!

Porn Star 1: Can I get in that bet!

The Boss: well as much as I like to see Horney horses being banged I have to make my kick a cyan colored Pegasus whose name starts with R and ends with H in the face every time you see her, speech

Discord: What you're not gonna watch!

The Boss: Why would I watch a group of drugged horses get plowed by dudes! (Looks at camera) That shit is fucked up!

Discord (Poofs out a big ass bag of popcorn): Well I'm gonna watch! This kind of chaos is my thang!

The Boss: Good luck with that!

Unknown Location

FCC Agent # 5: …And that is how we will sensor South Park without annoying their fans

FCC Agent # 79: I'm sorry to interrupt but we have a problem!

FCC Agent # 1: Well it better be important, were about to make a breakthrough in censoring history!

FCC Agent # 79: It is! I think someone just made a children's TV show enter the do not watch list!

Everyone in the room: *Gasp*

FCC Agent # 112: That's impossible! The only program that has done that was a MA rated one! How did a Kids Show got there without anybody noticing!

FCC Agent # 21: Ummm… I was going to tell all of you after the presentation were over!

FCC Agent # 1: # 21 you must be the stupidest and dumbest employee that has ever worked in the FCC.

FCC Agent #21: Wouldn't that be agent # 69, you know the one that let South Park got away with saying Shit a lot of times in one episode without the bleeping noise?

FCC Agent # 1: Well you do have a point there # 21…

FCC Agent # 13: What TV show did this…

FCC Agent # 29: Was it Adventure Time, I mean they did say that Princess Bubblegum and that vampire chick where like with each other!

FCC Agent # 45: I wouldn't mind seeing that vampire chick blowing some Bubblegum, if you know what I'm saying!

FCC Agent # 79: Not even close

FCC Agent # 38: Was it Scooby Doo… Did like Freddy caught Daphne "exploring" Velma's cavern again?

FCC Agent # 45: I wouldn't mind seeing how Fred solves the Daphne and Velma's "problem" if you know what I'm saying!

FCC Agent # 79: Getting warmer!

FCC Agent # 1: Enough! Can't you just show us!

FCC Agent # 79: Fine but this is truly sickening, you've been warned!

(Plays the TV that is in the back)

Ms. Cheerily: Again, please do me again!

Porn Star 1: *Pant* Wow that would be like the 6th time in a row!

Spitfire: I'm gonna…

Porn Star 2: Wow fifth time and still flowing like a fountain!

Porn Star 3: I can't remember when the last time I finished this many times in a row was!

Lyra: Oh yes ride me like the pony I am!

(Turns the TV off)

FCC Agent # 1: Well my friends you know the drill!

FCC Agent # 12 (Trough the speakers): Attention everyone we have reached protocol 69.12, I repeat we have reached protocol 69.12.

FCC Agent # 1: # 79 get me the president of the FCC on the phone, this means automatic cancelation!

Saints Crib # 13 (Formerly Canterlot Royal Castle)

The Boss: Four!

(The Boss hits an old Bust of Star Swirl the Bearded with a golf club)

Shaundy: Ummm Boss weren't you suppose to like give a speech or some shit like that?

The Boss: But I am!

Shaudy: I don't get it!?

Pierce: Well you see…

The Boss: I made myself a clone!

Shaundy: What?

Pierce: He made himself a clone, girl!

Shaundy: How the fuck did you cloned yourself?

The Boss: Well that is thanks to my Trip to that Japanese Ninja Series, umm… what was the name again Pierce?

Pierce: Naruto?

The Boss: ah yes Naruto!

Shaundy: When did you go there?

The Boss: I went with Johnny, Mat, Oleg, the Vice President and Pierce… Ohh and Zimos went to hire some Japanese sluts, since according to him there the best at sucking dick!

Shaundy: I didn't ask with whom you went I asked when!

The Boss: Oh I went there like before the invasion!

Shaundy: Why didn't you invite me!

The Boss: You were high as fuck!

Shaundy: …

The Boss: Oh yes that was soo much fucking fun!

(Flashback bitchez!)

The Boss: So umm Mr. Porrochimarro is it!

Jirobo: How dare you pronounce my Sensei's name like that!

The Boss: Woah… fatty one word! BREATHMINTS!

Orochimaru: Well Mr… I didn't catch your name!

The Boss: My name doesn't matter! What matters is that you have something I need and I have something you need!

Orochimaru: Ha what does a weak and stupid person like you would have that I would need!

The Boss: I'm glad you asked!

(The Boss claps his hands and a group of golden balls appears along with a green guy with antennae in his head walk by)

Dende: Now what the heck do you want from me!

The Boss: You see these balls have the power to grant one wish to whoever calls the dragon!

Orochimaru: I'm listening!

The Boss: Do your thang Green dude!

Dende: Fine but only because you helped me with that thing I told you!

(Dende begins to call the Dragon)

Dende: Arise oh great Shenlong from your slumber!

(The dragon balls glow very bright)

Shenlong: who dares awake me from my slumber… and in this universe!

The Boss: Hey you stupid lizard unless you don't want me to wish that you be turned in to a dog so that these Japs have something to eat I suggest you do what I say! And I order you that instead of 1 wish you give me 3!

Shenlong: *Sigh* Fine!

The Boss: Okay first I wish for those chicks in that Japanese village we visited before was Horney for foreigner dick!

Shenlong: your wish is my Command!

The Boss: Second I wish that if he or any of his goons tries to kill or harm me and any member of my gang he would be turned in to a tampon! That includes that he would not wish for it to happen too!

Shenlong: there granted!

The Boss: And finally I wish for 3 more wishes!

Orochimaru: For a minute there I thought you would waste my wishes!

The Boss: nope just trying to have fun that's all!

Orochimaru: So what is it that you're looking for?!

The Boss: I've heard in the other town I visited you do clones and experiments with clones!

Orochimaru: and you want to get the information on how I do this!?

The Boss: EEEYUP!

Orochimaru: And why wouldn't you just wish for them or hire someone to do it for you!

The Boss: I didn't become the president on my universe by making wishes! And every time I try to make a clone with any machine I have it ends up being a retarded version of me, and turns into goo after 36 hours!

Orochimaru: And what if I just simply kill you and your group and simply wish for everything I want?

The Boss: well I just wished that if you try to do that you would be turned in to a tampon! So go ahead I always wondered what would be to see you in Tsunade's crotch in her time of the month!

Oruchimaru: I see! Very well then! (Gives The Boss a Floppy disk)

The Boss: Whoa this shit is like ancient!

Orochimaru: here is all of the information on my research!

The Boss: All of it?

Orochimaru: Yes all of it!

The Boss: Ok then you don't mind if I just check, do you!

Orochimaru: No I don't mind at all!

(The Boss Opens his laptop Inserts the disk in the floppy hole and opens the folder called research)

The Boss: How convenient! The files are in English!

Orochimaru: Of course what better way to confuse Japanese people than by writing your information in the language of the people that bombed us 56 years ago!

The Boss: You know it!

The Boss: Okay everything here seems legit! Guys time to hit that town over those trees that haves a cheap ass copy of Mount Rushmore!

Oleg: It's about time!

Dende: Well can I at least come with you guys!

The Boss: Sure! Ready to be blown by every Japanese girl in that village guys!

Mat: I can't believe I'm going to have sex with all of my favorite characters! And this time they are real they aren't five dollar hookers that I paid extra to dress like them!

Pierce: Dude you need a life!

(The Boss and the crew left)

Orochimaru: Okay what to wish for first!

Jirobo: OOOHH I know! I wish for the perfect ramen! That will never end!

Shenlong: Your wish is my command!

(Bowl of ramen poofs in front of Jirobo)

Orochimaru: You Idiot! How dare you waste one of my wishes on such stupidity like this!

(End of the flashback bitchez)

Pierce: Man those Japanese chicks sure know how to give one hell of a hummer!

The Boss: You know it!

(The Boss fist bumps pierce)

Pierce: And to think that Green guy had a big ass dick!

Shaundy: Pierce that was soo gay!

The Boss: Dude da fuq you talking about another dudes dick!

(Awkward silence)

The Boss: Any way let's see how my clone is handling the speech!

(The Boss sits on a pony skin sofa and turns on the TV)

The Boss (Clone): …Furthermore anybody who uses the terms anypony, everypony, somepony or some word that is supposed to end with body and your hay eating brains changed it to pony just to make yourselves feel important will be send to reeducation camp, and finally since I'm fucking tired of that 20% cooler shit every time you see that stupid cunt Rainbow Dash you must kick her with your legs/hooves in her long and retarded face, this law is effective as of today!

(While still looking at the TV)

The Boss: Wow the other me just goes straight to the facts!

(FCC National Logo appears)

Announcer: Attention this series is here by initiated for the cancelation protocol for more on this here is the head of the FCC Agent 0.

FCC Agent # 0: Well hello there friend it's me Mr. R.O.A.D.G.E.R.S!

The Boss: Soo what just happened! Why is there a Mr. Rogers knock off on the TV instead of the other me!

FCC Agent # 0: Nope I'm not Mr. Rogers, I am a program made by the FCC that was engineered based on him, and my name is an acronym that stands for: Reality, Operating, Automaton, Defending, General Entertainment, and Regulations System! I have all of the knowledge and all of the ways you humans make your dirty jokes; I get updated every 5 seconds, so if you try to make another dirty joke or try to pass innuendo of any type again I will literally erase you from existence! But I hope that doesn't make us enemies!

The Boss: Da &amp;#$ was that!

Announcer: Will The Boss be able to curse again? Will Twilight manage to find out who her real father is? Why am I asking you all of these questions? Really why am I asking you all of this questions to you? Find out next time on the next episode of The Day The Equestrians Met The 3rd Street Saints!

The Boss: Nope I am not doing this! % #&amp; this!

(Time stops as a big ass Blue Phone Booth appears in front of the Boss, the door opens to reveal a Brown Earth Pony with an Hour Glass Cutie Mark)

The Doctor: Quickly get in!

The Boss: Like &amp;^# I will!

The Doctor: You don't understand I have a way to fix this rubbish!

The Boss: Nope not falling for that one again!

?: Let me handle this!

(An Older Twilight uses her magic to grab the boss and pull him in the machine)

The Boss: Da &amp;^$# are you doin'? Let me go!

(The Boss gets hit in the head with a muffin pan)

Derpy: And you said that carrying this around was useless!

The Doctor: Well Dear you shouldn't have hit him that hard!

Derpy: He deserved it!

Twilight: Can I see that for a moment!

(She hits The Boss with it harder)

Twilight: That's for having your way with my mom!


	10. Chapter 10: The Boss And Twilight's

**Chapter 10:**

**The Boss and Twilight's Emotional Adventure**

**Year 10 A.C. (After Conquer)**

As the Leader of the Saints approached a now tortured and defeated Mane Six with his new found allies and helpers, a group of saints "understudies" started to gather around as the Leader of the Saints teaches them how to torture the former elements of harmony, Mike Aston, a new cadet who just arrived from the New Zealand of the South Park universe was taking notes, as he started to write the date, one of his classmates, Chisuru Chika from the Asian region of the Naruto universe stood in front of him with curiosity since his animation style was very different from hers, she was used to other American drawing styles but she had never seen his peculiar form.

Chisuru: Hey from what universe are you from?

Mike: I'm from a universe that the boss calls South Park for some weird and Fucked up reason, and from what universe are you from? … Let me guess from the Inuyasha one… or the DBZ one… I mean all of your universes sort off look the same to me so yeah I don't give a fuck really.

Right there was when Chisuru lost it, she grabbed him by the arm and made him stood up

Chisuru: How dare you say that every universe that has my peculiar type of animation style looks the same!

?: Not to Piss in your parade or notin' hunny but that nigga right there is right as fuck!

Chisuru: And who asked for your opinion any way!

Said Chisuru to the black woman who was in a Family Guy style animation

?: EXCUSEME BITCH?! DA FUCK DO YA THINK YO TALKIN TO?

Chisuru: I'm talking to a meddling black woman who if she doesn't shut up will get her ass kicked!

?: Now come on Shanequa don't start with your bullshit!

Said Steve, who is from New York of the DBZ universe

Shanequa: Ok, fine but if that bitch comes across me in training I will kick her big eye ass!

Steve: Dude you should think before you open your yapper, you wouldn't want to end up cleaning the headquarters of the saints in a fucked up hentai universe do ya.

Mike: A whontai?

Steve: Oh yeah I sometimes forget that some universes do not have those… Man some universes have all the luck…

Mike: Luck, you wouldn't say that if you were on my universe! You know how many times I have died only to wake up in my bed and nobody remembering shit about me dying! And the motherfucking worst part is that I know Jesus and believe me he doesn't give a shit about us… Do you know that Jesus haves in my universe a talk show and every time I call him and tell him my problem he simply states that he will not touch that with a 60 ft. pole!?

Steve: Dam this Jesus dude sounds like a prick! What is he like your supreme god or something like that?

Mike: Wait a moment your white, and American and you don't know who Jesus is?

Steve: nope, it doesn't ring a bell!

Mike: Well do you worship any god at all?

Steve: well let me tell you this my friend, in my universe, they are green flying slug people, a living fat giant piece of pink bubble gum like guy, and a giant dragon that grants you a wish if you find 7 dragon balls… but no Jesus.

Mike: Dam that universe of yours sounds awesome!

Steve: You bet your sweet ass it is!

As Steve finished the sentence, the announcer on the speakers started talking

Announcer: attention all cadets please arise for your leader for life, the killer of harmony, the disassembler of the Avengers, The breaker of S.H.I.E.L.D. and S.W.O.R.D., the ninja destroyer, the ….

The Boss (in a Scottish accent): Dammit Matt they gettit all reddy cot the crap! Your gettin' me ego all wrong to the new cadets!

Mike: Hey I thought that the leader of the saints was a Mexican or something like that!

The boss heard the comment and opened the door to Mikes left without him or the other cadets realizing.

The Boss: So ye think that I'm a bloddy Mexican huh!

Mike (Surprised): how the fucks do you do that!?

The Boss: Well I like to surprise our new recruits!

Chisuru (in her mind): How does he do that!

The Boss: How do I do that? Well I haven't heard that question since the Mushroom Kingdom surrendered!

Flashback shows Princess Peach signing something while Mario is on the background looking like he ate some "bad" mushrooms

Princess Peach: I Princess Peach declare total surrender upon the 3rd Street Saints!

Mario (High as Fuck): Look a dat I have a little flag pole dat need polishing!

Princess Peach: *Sigh* I take what I can get…

Mike: What the fuck was that!

The Boss: That me friend is how you conquer a planet without sendin' troops!

Steve: Holy Shit was that a Sketch Attack!?

The Boss: wow I'm glad that somebody knew what that was so that means I don't have to explain it this time! So Mr…

Steve: Steve Donovan at your service!

The Boss: What a second you sound American but you look like you were made in a Anime universe! Where you raised in the Family Guy universe?

Steve: No I was raised and born in the DBZ universe sir!

The Boss: But how do you know about the Sketch Attack then?

Steve: well you see, when I first arrived in this academy I was sent to this region and the first thing I saw when I came here was that fine piece of Chocolate right next to Mike over there! Of course she was very different than me and every time I tried to make a conversation she would simply make one of those same type of attacks so I took it to myself to find out how does those attacks works, so I went to the local library and read all of the information this academy has about those types of attacks, it took me a few tries to make them work and the results where flattering!

The Boss: Of course they are! I mean I single handedly defeated The Avengers and their goons like that! Hey Kinzie do whe have the thing on tape!

Kinzie: *sigh* Yes we do boss, yes we do!

The Boss: Well what are ye waitin fore an invitation roll the clip!

As the boss said this the room went pitch black and a movie started rolling in.

As the movie started it showed The 3rd Street Saints surrounded by the Avengers and some agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Nick Fury: You must be either pretty Stupid or pretty Dumb to just waltz in here like that during our entire units gathering!

The Boss: Wow I haven't heard such an under estimation of me since you were white in the 70's

Nick Fury banishes and instead a White version of him appears

Nick Fury: where the hell am I!

Thor: What kind of sorcery is this!

The Boss: Man I thought the comics made you into a woman who is always on her period!

Thor turns in to a woman

Thor: By Odens beard why do I feel like my body is getting bloated and cramping! (Looks at The Hulk) Stop looking at me I will not stand for this!

Thor left the hellicarrier crying

Matt Miller: well actually Thor is still a guy in that comic he just isn't wielder of Mjolnir…

The Boss hits Matt in his head

The Boss: Shut up your ruining the joke you big Shitty Wanker!

Captain America: Avengers Assemble!

The Boss (At Shaundy): Hey do you remember that time that Captain America got turned in to an old man!

Shaundy: Well no Boss I'm always too busy destroying every rebellion in every universe you just take over so I don't have time to read all of those stupid magazines!

Captain America gets turned in to an old man; he gets so weak that he falls on the floor immediately.

Captain America: where am I! Who are you all!

Iron Man: Ok you ginger Scot you asked for it!

The Boss: Dam I liked you better when you were drunk all the time!

Iron Man gets all wobbly and flies right next to the boss and crashes in a pile of barrels that where coincidentally where Iron Man crashed

The Boss: Just to save time I will just say this…

As the boss was about to talk Spiderman threw a web in the boss face

Spiderman: Finally you shut your yapper!

The Boss Rips the web off and throws it to the floor angrily and says…

The Boss: Well I was not gonna say this because you are me favorite but… I liked you better when you were Yu Komori!

Spiderman: When I was who…

Spiderman turns in to the Japanese masturbating emo version of himself

The Boss: As I was saying I like the killed by Deadpool versions of you better!

The entire Avenger team appears murdered just the same way that DP killed them in Deadpool kills the marvel universe

The Boss: Oy Kinzie did ye got all of that?

Kinzie (Over the Hellicarier's speakers): Yeah Boss that's a wrap!

The movie closes and the lights get turned back on

The Boss: Ok class today I'm gonna personally teach you how to mentally torture a foe!

The Boss Looks at the guards and gives them the order to send in the 7 "training dummies"

Mike: Hay wait a minute wasnt you suppose to torture the Elements of Harmony?

The Boss: I would torture them but they got STONED... if you catch me drift!

Steve: Wait you got them drugged?

The Boss: You really come from the DBZ universe don't ya laddie, now shut the fuck up before you joint them!

*Awkward Silence*

The Boss: Anyway I just brought 7 of the most unbreakable spirts in the multiverse they all have literally got tortured physically in every possible way imaginable and yet do not want to speak so I will literally let the four of you deal with them!

The Boss unmasked the first one

Korra: Let me go or I will single handedly bend all of your blood out of that disgusting mouth of yours!

The Boss: A lot of talk for someone who is tied up!

Mike: Um hey Mate I got a question for you… um how is she not murdered us all… I mean I've read her profile she literally murdered an entire squad with their own urine, the only way we defeated her was because she got so exhausted from killing every guy, thing and machine you keep sending there!

The Boss: oh yes that question is as valid as the ending of the lest season of her wrongfull and stupid existence!

Korra: Oh so your mad at me for being a lesbian!

The Boss: No I'm Mad because you let a Shitload of questions unanswered and in a cliffhanger… And do you know what do I do to those Universes?

Korra: You let them keep living there lives and you live yours… Oh I'm sorry I forgot you don't have a life!

The Boss: Oh you know what miss I just gave everybody in my universe the power of airbending without any logical explanation you just earned the worst king of torture so vile that you will literally wish that I would have just kill you on your universe and not die while being aired in your universe you stupid cunt!

The Boss steps out of the room and leaves a radio with a cassette labeled Scrotie Mcbooger Balls

Mike looks at the cassette label with horror

Mike: Oh shit he wouldn't!

Chisuru: what is that tape?

Mike: That is an audio recording of the most brilliantly disgusting book ever written! One of my mates back home literally died of dehydration because the stupid idiot let the tape running while sleeping!

The Boss: Glad to know that there is a guy here that knows about the power of a good book!

The Boss looks at Korra and gives the guards the orders to press the play button

The Boss: Any last words before you dehydrate yourself to death!?

Korra: Yes, hope you die like the pig you are! My people will never surrender to you…

The Boss: Oh but they did…

The Boss Claps and Asami, Korra's former lover steps out of the shadows with an expression less face

Korra: Asami but why?

Asami: Because you are no longer powerfull, don't you see I was only in it for the power! And now *Chuckles*I finally have it!

Korra: No I won't believe it! This must be a trick!

Asami: Oh really! Then why would I stood back and let you fight all of those things! I even told The Boss here all about the Ki and Chi, all your weak point so that you couldn't bend again!

Korra: BUT… WHY?

The Boss: Bitch she just told you why! Let it go already! Now Ms. Rice cake would you mind?

Asami: With pleasure!

Asami presses the play button and leaves the now heartbroken Korra strapped to a chair with her mouth taped so that she would drown with her own vomit

Narrator: Scrotie Mcbooger Balls a book by Leopold Stotch, Chapter one it was a warm Summer Morning when Scrotie Mcbooger Balls…

The Doors closed shut the doors of course where made out of sound proof glass so it could only be seen not heard

Steve: But how… I read the official report and it stated that she died during a struggle!

The Boss; Oh yes that Bitch died! This is just a blue shape shifting thing!

Steve: Wait a moment! Do you mean that mutant that is from the Avengers Universe!?

The Boss: The same one lady!

The Boss looks at the shapeshifting woman who is still in the form of the prisoner's deceased lover and as she was leaving The Boss proceeds to tell her…

The Boss: You know the drill Mystique! You will get the money and the diplomatic immunity you asked for!

Mystique: Well then it was nice doing business with you Mr… Hmmm I don't recall knowing your name!

The Boss: Believe me! If I told you me name your entire universe will be destroyed for security reasons!

As the boss said that Korra started to struggle with her own vomit… trying to breath and hold her own barf down but only to a hilarious but at the same time sad effect that one would expect a person who is hearing a book written by 4 elementary school kids from Colorado from an universe where there is a talking piece of crap that gets his own Christmas specials and everybody dies around you and some people even laughs at those deaths because in there universe that shit is pretty dam normal...( Indeed a sad and fucked up universe) would react

Steve: Hey Shanequa bet you five bucks that she lasts 5 minutes

Shanequa: You're on white boy!

**5 Minutes later**

Shanequa: Dam that bitch sure lasted longer than I expected!

Chisuru: and she is still struggling with the vomit… I think she's even synchronizing her vomits and her breathing! If she keeps this up she will literally die of dehydration instead of asphyxiation

Mike: Oh God…

Mike looks at the boss and starts to beg him

Mike: By God Man Have some humanity in your life for once! Just kill her!

The Boss: wow I never thought somebody had the balls to stand up to me before!

Mike: If you don't do it I will!

The Boss: If you even try to do it you will join her in the afterlife!

Mike: Well Good Motherfucking luck you bloody asshole if you kill me I will literally be awake the next morning in my bed like if nothing ever ha…

As Mike was about to finish his sentence The Boss fired a single headshot.

The Boss: well that was getting' annoyin!

**Tardis: Unknown Year**

As The Boss woke up from another of his Scottish Alter ego nightmares he finds himself inside of what it looked like a Big Ship and as he started to look around he then remembered that he got kidnapped and that the stupid assholes that kidnapped him didn't even tied him up, as he started to reach for his gun so that he would just kill the three multicolored talking horse freaks and then fix the mess he got himself in to… Just as he was about to reach for his lucky Desert Eagle…

Twilight: Looking for these?

Twilight hit the boss with his own gun like she saw him do to the princesses while he was interrogating then...

The Boss: Maldita Yegua De Mierda!

Twilight: Shut the Buck up or I swear I…

The Boss: Awww you are sooo fucking cute even when you're trying to kill me! But really just give me the fucking gun before you shoot your eye out and I will just kill you quickly and painless… or of course you can just try your luck and I will shoot your four hooves, rip those wings off, break your horn and shove them up your ass so…

The Boss gets a Machete out and smiles as he finishes the sentence

The Boss: Wanna try your luck bitch?

Twilight didn't know what to do, she didn't even knew if the gun was loaded or even if she had the accuracy to shoot him using her magic, since she didn't practiced and didn't wanted to learn how to use them because they were destructive and could even pierce trough the toughest armor that the royal guards wore, she saw the reverse engineers wonder in awe in seeing that the same type of technology that Pinkie Pie Used as a Party Canon was used to murder people… sometimes for fun… She was afraid that she would become a monster, that her blood lust would then start and that she would use that technology to make the same mistakes that those humans did…

Twilight: I… yield…

As Twilight said this, tears started to form in her eyes as she dropped the gun and simply dropped on the floor sobbing… thinking that she would rather die than to become a murderer, even if the person that she would kill was the one responsible for a lot of suffering, pain, death and genocide

The Boss: I thought so Bitch! You see I am not like you, I have the balls to lead the multiverse in to an age of perfection, and the perfection is me… perfection is the Third Street Saints…

As the boss just finished that sentence he remembered something that one of his friends told him once….

Gat: Just Remember, never to get way over your head, because every time that some asshole goes way over there head somebody has to die….

The Boss: Oh Shit I just became The Bad guy…

As The Leader of The 3rd Street Saints just finished saying this he tossed his weapon to the floor and just sat down next to Twilight he just stared blankly at the Time warp as if he wondered if they were ever going to get out of this mess, if he could just go back in time and kick himself in the dick for being an asshole.

As The Boss started to get up he looked at Twilight with a feeling he only felt towards Johnny, Shaundy, Oleg, Matt, Kinzie and yes even Pierce, he literally felt the same for Twilight, what he had never seen in anybody who was fighting against him… Respect and a type of respect he only gave to people that always tried to do the right thing but always ended up working for him, failed at it or died trying… and then it hit him… they all failed and died because of him, he killed a lot of activist, innocent civilians and police officers and he never felt this because in his wretched mind… he was the good guy…but in reality he was not the good guy… not in the eyes of all of the multiverses that he had destroyed or left in chaos.

The Boss: Twilight I'm Sor…

As The Boss was about to apologize from the heart… something that he had never done before, he was interrupted by the light Brown Pegasus.

Derpy: Well hello there Mr. Human you gotta tell me where you got those delicious brownies me and The Doctor liked them very much…

As Ditzy Doo continued talking The Boss looked at her as any person who was about to do something that he had never done before, open himself to another being, and then gets interrupted by an annoying cunt.

The Boss: You Motherfucking Bitch! I will fuckin' Kill you!

As the boss was about to open fire on Ms. Doo The Doctor stepped in to stop him.

The Doctor: Now hold it right there for a bloody second there!

The Boss looked at him as he had heard about him from somewhere

The Boss: Who da fuck are you!

The Doctor: Oh where are my manners (Stretches his hoof) I'm The Doctor.

The Boss: Not good enough (Cocks gun) I want a real name!

The Doctor: I'll give you my real name if you give me yours…

The Boss lowered its gun

The Boss (Stretches his hand): Fair enough…

The Doctor: Ah yes… looks like you already have met my assistant, and future Ms. The Doctor eh!

The Boss: Wait… You, a smart person…

The Doctor: Yes…

The Boss: And… Her, a total idiot…

Derpy: Hey… My name is not Idiot

The Boss: Are getting MARRIED!

The Doctor: What is it a bad thing to want to tie the knot?

The Boss: No… But… Oh I get it know… She is very good at churning you butter…

The Doctor: I don't get what you're saying…

The Boss: She lets you stuff her oven!

The Doctor: Still trying to understand…

The Boss: IS SHE A GOOD FUCK?!

The Doctor: What? No… I haven't even done that with her!

The Boss: Then why?

The Doctor: When you're around the Universe as long as I have been and you find that someone that makes you feel happy… without sex involved, then you know that that someone is really special and that you can't really live this life without her…

The Boss: Wait a minute… Now I really know I have heard of you before!

The Doctor: Yes you have…

The Boss: You're that bald guy from Star Trek!

The Doctor: No, but I'll give you a hint… I'm a time traveling, multidimensional space explorer!

The Boss: Oh great you're a British version of Scooby Doo!

The Doctor: What no! You are way off by an entire universe and its alternative realities!

The Boss: You know what I don't have the time or the patience to deal with you so how about you let me back at my time period and I will forget that you, your girlfriend and that Royal Cunt, ever tried to kidnap and kill me, thank you very much!

Derpy: Where here!

The Boss: Great now if you will excuse me, I have some Cheap ass version of MR. Rogers to get rid of!

As The Boss opened the door and started to walk out of the ship he got stopped by Twilight

Twilight: Didn't you wanted to say something to me?

The Boss: Oh yeah (Gets his gun out and points it at her) Try to put a stunt like that again and I will fucking murder you!

The Boss: Wait a moment… Fuck, Shit, Cock, Cunt!

The Boss: I can swear again!

The Doctor: Well of course you can This is Equestria Approximately 7 years ago!

The Boss: Oh great you sent me back in time!

Twilight: Wait a second!  
Twilight looks around the buildings and noticed her parents' house.

Twilight: I don't remember my house being that color seven years ago, in fact the only time I saw the house of that color was…

Twilight uses her magic to get a picture out of her pocket

The Boss: Oh you have built in pockets? That is so cute… Fucked up but cute!

Twilight looks at her picture which shows her mother and father along with her older brother who looks very young in the picture, with a new born right next to him.

Twilight: Sweet Celestia, where not back 7 years ago… in fact according to this picture we may be even back before I was even born!

The Doctor: wait a moment Ditzy did you set the timer right and specified that it was pony years?

Derpy: Yeah! See (Spelling) H.U.M.A.N. (Finishes spelling) Pony!

The Doctor: Oh you are just too dam dolt sometimes… that makes me want to…

Derpy Kisses the Doctor.

The Boss: Hey Doc I think that would be a good time to try the merchandise!

The Doctor: What with you around?

The Boss: Oh come on man we are grown people (Looks around) I mean Adults we can handle ourselves!

The Doctor: I don't know!

The Boss: Oh come on man she is giving you all the gawd dam signals!

Derpy (Wispers in his ears): Oh come on Doctor it could be fun!

The Doctor: Ok fine… Just promise me you two won't do anything stupid!

The Boss: I swear on the great leadership of all the Puerto Rican Governors!

The Doctor: Good enough!

The Tardis disappears in a blink of an eye

The Boss: *Snickers* Like Puerto Rican Governors where good doing their job!

Twilight: Wait... Are they?

The Boss: Let's just say that the last one didn't even knew how to speak English…

Twilight: So I'm just going to take a wild guess and assume that that is a big no!

The Boss: Bingo!

Twilight: What was up with Ditzy Doo back there?

The Boss: Who?

Twilight: The Brown Pegasus mare that was with The Doctor!

The Boss: Oh nothin' I just think that she ate all of my "Medicated" Brownies! In fact I think that dumb Brit must have ate a few himself!

Twilight: Wait! What was on those "Medicated" Brownies?

The Boss: Oh nothing bad just some eggs, chocolate, wheat, nuts, weed, milk…

Twilight: What was that last thing?

The Boss: Milk?

Twilight: No before that!

The Boss: A Comma.

Twilight: Don't play stupid Mr. Human! Before that!

The Boss: Weed?

Twilight: Weed… That sounds Familiar…

While Twilight started to think where was it that she heard the term weed The Boss started to look around.

The Boss: Well then where in the past now huh?

Twilight: Don't interrupt me while I'm thinking!

The Boss: So if I would to… I don't know find your mother and kill her… you wouldn't exist then?

Twilight: Relatively speaking yes…

The Boss: Good, excellent, perfect!

Twilight: Wait… What?

The Boss Gets a Grenade out and starts to pulls the pin

The Boss: So umm does your mom like pineapples?

Twilight: Don't Change the conversation now!

The Boss: I'm Gonna take a wild guess and just say yes!

Twilight: What are you going to do with that… Oh I saw what you did there cleaver!

The Boss: Frag out!

Twilight uses her magic to catch the grenade but since she didn't know what that was she started to pull it back towards her

*BOOM*

As the explosion happened everypony that was around just started screaming and running out of their houses, the explosion was so big that Twilight flied and crashed at the castle walls…

The Boss: *Inhales* Ah nothing beats the smell of death in the morning!

As The Boss finished this last sentence The Canterlot Royal Guars Started to Swarm the place and pointed The Boss with their spheres

Royal Guars: Halt in the name of Princess Celestia!

The Boss: Well hello there friends, I come in the name of human kind to teach you all a thing or two about fighting!

Royal Guard: You dare insult us by attacking a civilian and then you threaten us?

The Boss: Ok time to start your first lesson! In this lesson I will teach you not to bring a stick to a gun fight!

Royal Guard: A what?

The Boss: My point exactly!

The Boss Starts to fire shots at all of the guards killing some instantly. That was the last thing that Twilight saw right before she blacked out…


	11. Chapter 11: Twilights Mom is (Still) a

Chapter 11:

Twilights Mom is (Still) a Slut

**Canterlot Equestria Year 1989 (Human Year 2008)**

As the news spread that there was a being so powerful that he single handedly defeated an entire Elite Squad of Royal Guards, and helped the griffins defeat the equestrians in the new year's eve battle, Princess Celestia was started to worry about what would this being could really be capable of, she didn't want to send more troops since if they were to be defeated and other kingdoms where to find out then what would stop them from attacking and as the Royal Guards were preparing to defeat this monster, what would make her so sure that this being showed them his true potential and that he would be defeated or that he was alone, as the Princess started to think of new strategies and ways to destroy and annihilate this threat, she got interrupted by one of the royal guards who was rushing in a hurry to inform her of his new findings about this "human".

Royal Guard (Bowing): your highness!

Princess Celestia looked at him as if she knew that he was about to inform him with some bad news.

Princess Celestia: any news about this "human"?

Royal Guard: Yes… (Jitters) it appears this human is helping the changelings and the griffins with what he calls a "gun"…

Princess Celestia: A gun? What is this gun of which you speak of?

Royal Guard: it appears to be some sort of weapon… one shot of it can easily pierce a thru our best armors!

Princess Celestia: does this human holds any weakness of some sort?

Royal Guard: None that we may know of…

Princess Celestia: what about our spies are they still undetected?

Royal Guard: well it appears so…

Princess Celestia (looks toward her window): I just hope they don't get caught like the last ones…

Royal Guard: what last ones…?

Celestia stars to cry as if she could still remember being in front of the boss helpless that Night….

**Canterlot Equestria December 31****st**** Year 1988 (Human Year 200… if you don't know what year came before 2008 you really need to go back to school bitch!)**

It was a once a year thing, the Royal Guards were wearing their party garments, the maids where preparing the tables, the cooks where in the kitchen, everypony who was somepony was in the line for the party and as the day started to set and everypony started to enter to the royal ball room everypony but one… a mare who was walking and looking for a way to get inside without anypony noticing… that mare name was Twilight… Velvet…

You: What? I thought for sure that you meant Twilight Sparkle… RIGHT!

Narator: Wrong! Now if you excuse me I would like to continue with the explanation! GAWDDAMET SOME PEOPLE ARE RUDE!

The Boss: Dude do you need a break or something?

Narrator: *Sight* Nah man I'm good!

The Boss: Good, Now finish narrating this shit! I have me some snitches to cap!

Narrator: Fine, *Clears throat* As I was saying Ms. Velvet who at the time was known across the land for being a… how do I put this gently… ah fuck it I'll throw it as it is! She was considered a whore, and not the classy type! She also made a few movies one of them being the classic The Fifth hoof and Discord's all-time favorite… Milk Mares 4: they will milk you dry!

Discord: Oh yes! This one is hard to come by since Celestia ordered all of these copies to be destroyed after Twilight became her "Student"… Yes I'm implying what you think and no I don't care if you go and rat to Celestia that I implied that!Let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree with the Twilights… let's just leave it at that!

Narrator: Thank you Discord, for that not so beautiful mental picture you just gave me and all of our readers (Pulls out recorder) Note to self: After finishing narrating this garbage google up The Fifth hoof. Any way… Twilight Velvet was trying to enter thru the back door since she knew that if she waited in line she would be recognized for her "Talents"….

Twilight Velvet: where the Buck is that butler I bribed to let me in from the back!

As Velvet Snatch (Her porn star name) started to lose patience the backdoor opened but to her surprised it was opened not by the butler but by a Royal Guard who make a signal with his horn to what it looked to be some weird looking stallion and a female Pegasus who looked very out of place…

The Boss: I'm like this again … *Sight* this universe is racist!

Crysalis (Pegasus): Be calm and don't talk Equestrian, stick to Caballo… the guards must think that I'm your translator!

The Boss: But what about our readers? Do they have to use google translate or some gay ass translator to understand me?

Crysalis: You're talking jibbers again!

The Boss: Sorry I'm still a little high!

Crysalis: *Slaps him* stick to Caballo!

The Boss: ¡Canto de yegua culera traga leche!

Crysalis: *Laughs* Oh Horchata you are so hilarious!

The Boss: ¡Cuando esto se acabe te voy a violar con tu propio cuerno!

Crysalis: Now, now, Horchata be nice!

Twilight Velvet knew a bit of Caballo… well she only knew one word of all that the boss had just said The word he said Violar Which is translated to Equestrian (English) in to Rape She was a porn star after all and she was planning to take a break in Appleloosa's southern neighbors' a place that would have surely have no pony that knows who she is…

Twilight Velvet: Excuse me sir but did I heard properly? Are you trying to rape some pony?

Crysalis: Oh great you had to say that word in front of somepony who knew Caballo!

Twilight Velvet: I don't want to report you… so let's make a deal… you let me in and in exchange I don't tell on you, what do you say?

The Boss: Don't I know you from some were…

Twilight Velvet: Umm… I'm… *in her mind* (Think Twilight just say something that doesn't make this guy find out that your Velvet Snatch) I'm the mare from all of those daring doo commercials?! *Smiling Nervously*

The Boss: Whatever you say Velvet Snatch! Whatever you say!

Velvet Snatch *in her mind*: Oh crud he knows quick offer a bribe!

Velvet Snatch: How about I pretend I'm your date!

The Boss: works for me!

Velvet Snatch: But if you try anything funny I will scream!

The Boss: I hope you will scream like you did in Sperm Mares 3: The Interspecies party

Velvet Snatch: Please don't remind me about that one my butt starts to hurt every time I think about those dragon scenes!

Crysalis: (Grunts in disgust) you species is disgusting!

Velvet Snatch: This coming from a species that jumps on clouds for a living!

Crysalis: Why you narwhal earth pony inbreed!

Velvet Snatch: well at least my mother isn't a sad earth pony who plowed an eagle while giving a phoenix some head!

Crysalis: How would that even work?

The Boss: As much as I would like to see the two of you get it on in public I think that we need to keep going! Don't you think Ms. Wing Job?

Crysalis: Wing Job?

The Boss: What you gave me that Mexican drink name, and since you didn't had a name I decided to give you that one! Any problems?

Crysalis: …

The Boss: Wing Job it is then!

**Meanwhile:**

As the party continued upstairs the royal guards where still interrogating the prisoner, the guards a black and pink female Pegasus that had a bucket and a towel as a cutie mark and a Blue and orange male unicorn that had a pen and a scroll with a spilled ink bottle as a cutie mark where talking to the commissioner Barracks Of Gamma who was a zebra that had a broken shackle as a cutie mark who for some weir ass reason had a horn making him the first zebra/unicorn half-bred to be commissioner, in fact he was the first zebra ever to be in that position, he was used to show that equestrians weren't racist in the eyes of the world…

Royal Guard #1: Now listen here Ms. Twatling Squirter is it?

Twilight Sparkle (Tied up and blind folded): How many times do I have to tell you, IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE!

Royal Guard #2: Twilight huh? Just like that porn star… What's her name, Barracks?

Barracks: Do you mean Twilight Velvet? Because she doesn't go by that anymore she goes by Velvet Snatch now! She even has a kin, *Nods* I overheard that poor bastard in the Jr guards upstairs getting tease cause of his mother!

Twilight: You're all lying my moth… I mean she is not a porn star!

Royal Guard #2: Is that so… what are you her girlfriend or something?

Royal Guard #1: Are you in to that stuff too! *Whispers to her ear* I can sure teach you a few things about that…

Royal Guard #2: oh you want a piece of her too! Get in line you can have my sloppy seconds you milk mare!

Barracks: ENOUGH! No pony is gonna have their way with the prisoner! Now get the buck out of here before I make a report!

Royal Guard #1: DAM... Barry since you've been in command we can't have our fun with prisoners… (Licks Twilights face) Tastes like lezchow! The other prisoners are gonna eat well today!

As they were arguing the Princess was hearing the conversation from afar and she was accompanied by a scientist an Blue and green male earth pony by the name of Dos who had a cutie mark of a black board and a Fast Ball Perestroika who was brow and purple Pegasus with a claw scar on her left eye and that had a fire ball as a cutie mark

Fast Ball: (In a Russian accent) Why I can't believe what I'm hearing… are they really the best this city has to offer, if so I'm ashamed that I lost my eye for them…

Dos: Oh it's not as bad as what I have seen those wonder bolts do to each other on the clouds, the worst part is they don't even care that we can watch them they just keep at it!

Celestia: I really need to get this war leader thing together… I am still a little bit rusty since the last time I had to fight was with…

Dos: *In his head* (Don't make her remember Luna, don't finish her sentence, don't finish, her sentence, don't finish her…) Luna… (Oh horse apples)

Celestia: Yes Luna…

Fast Ball: (Looks at Dos) you're an Idiot!

Dos: Well no time to cry about her now… she is in the moon after all!

Fast Ball: Nice way to keep opening old wounds you stuka!

Celestia: No it's ok… *sight* He is right she can't hurt no pony anymore

Barracks overhears the princess

Barracks: Why hello Princess (Bows down)

Royal Guard #1: Oh crud is the princess (Also bows down)

Royal guard #2: Princess (You get the idea!)

Twilight tries to get her blind folds off to see the princess and falls of the chair in the process

Royal Guard #2: Looks like you have a fan princess!

Twilight: Princess Celestia I'm so glad you're here! Can you tell these guards that I'm your student and that also I'M A PRINCESS!

The Royal Guards start to beat her up

Royal Guard #2: Shut up! How dare you talk to our princess you changeling!

Celestia: ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU! I WANT THE TWO OF YOU OUT OF MY PRECENSE BEFORE I SEND YOU TO THE MOON!

Royal Guard #1: Yes your highness! (Bows Down)

Royal Guard #2: … (If you don't know what he did then obviously you have to read the previous comment that is in between the parentheses You asshole)

Fast Ball: You heard her get lost!

Celestia grabs a rag and cleans the blood off Twilight's face, then hands it to Dos who then inserts it in a bag

Celestia: I'm sorry about that… You say you're a princess?

Twilight: Yes… how is it that you can't remember?

Celestia: Untie this mare I need to ask her some things… alone!

Fast Ball: But Princess what if she attacks you?

Celestia: What you don't trust me?

Fast Ball: …

Dos: I trust YOU Princess but I don't trust HER!

Celestia: Well I trust her so that means that YOU can too!

Dos: Fine…

Dos and Fast Ball untie the confused and out of place Princess

Twilight then removes her blind fold with her magic

Celestia: What is your name?

Twilight: Princess what happened… (Brain puts all information together) Oh no… I'm in the past; I remember everything that happened now!

Celestia: Wait a minute you're from the future?

Twilight: Yes…

Celestia: Why did you help the human?

Twilight: I didn't help him…

Celestia: YOU'RE LYNG AND YOU KNOW IT! WE HAD WITHNESSES THAT DESCRIBED THAT YOU HELP THE HUMAN DETONATE THAT EXPLOSION BUT THEN GOT HURT IN THE PROCESS!

Twilight: What I didn't do such a thing I was trying to STOP the detonation, not activate it!

Celestia: Fine then… why did you and the human where traveling together then?

Twilight: You see I got called by some Doctor Colt who ended up leaving us here…

Celestia: The Doctor?! I knew that he was involved in this! I never trusted him!

Twilight: You met him before?

Celestia: Yes I met him when I was just a kin…

Twilight: … so that mans that he told you that this was gonna happen?

Celestia: No… In a matter of fact he said that he couldn't tell me because it was out of protocol… He had the ability to stop Luna but instead he just let her do all of those horrible things! And If you came with him then that means that I can't trust you either!

Twilight: But I'm your student… I love you…

**Somewhere at The Drunken Clam in Quahog Rhode Island:**

Quagmire: Whoa! I detect a disturbance in my pants!

Peter: Oh my God! Quagmire what's wrong I haven't seen you this way since the LOK series finale!

Quagmire: my lez-detector went off the charts for a moment there!

Joe: But ummm… there isn't a woman in the bar!

Quagmire: I know is just that that chick just declared her love to another chick! And who ever she is she must really want some action! Giggitty!

Cleveland: You're nasty!

**Back at the Ball:**

Changeling Guard: Please enter my Queen!

Wing Job: Don't call me that we are under cover you idiot!

Changeling Guard: Of course Wing Job *Snickers*

Wing Job: …

Wing Job: Remember don't talk in Equestrian!

Horchata: ¡Esta bien canto de Fleje no me lo sigas recordando!

Velvet Snatch: Well I think I just fulfilled my part of the bargain so without further ado I'm off…

Horchata: woah, woah, woah bitch! You just fulfilled half the deal! You have to be my escort! Remember!?

Velvet Snatch: I don't think you're on any position to demand something!

Horchata: *In a high pitch female voice* Oh my sweet Celestia is that Velvet… (Velvet Snatch kisses Horchata)

Velvet Snatch: *Sigh* Fine!

As this was happening Crysalis was having an argument with her minion on the kitchen

Changeling Guard: Umm Ms. "Snickers* Wing Job I forgot to mention… I made a little accident!

Wing Job: How little are we talking about?

The Changeling Guard opens a chest that was in front of them and showed them a butler all tied up and unconscious.

Wing Job: You idiot what happened?

Changeling Guard: well you see… he saw me transforming so I did what anypony would have done in this situation… what would you done?

Wing Job: After this is all finished we will have a little discussion about how to talk to your Queen!

As Horchata (The Boss) was finishing up his discussion with Velvet Snatch (Twilight Velvet) and she was starting to wonder off The Boss was hearing the conversation.

Horchata: wait a moment we could use him as an Escape Goat!

Wing Job: A what?

Horchata: You know a person… er pony that takes all of the blame!

Wing Job: I like it! (Looks at Changeling Guard) Don't mess up again or it will be no cocoon for a month you understand me!

Changeling Guard: Yes my Queen!

Horchata: Ok… let's keep moving shall we?

As The Boss and Crysalis started to catch up with Twilight Velvet he started to hear some weird ass conversations like the ones coming from a group of earth ponies that was very unfitting even for some hillbilly ponies:

Narrator: Now because we don't what you the reader to recognize them and then think different of them we have censored their names, blurred their faces and modified their voices but I think none of you at home can see or hear them so thought shit it was a sight for sore eyes!

? : You know I'm planning to move to Ponyville, Manehattan is just soo full with those dam striped fried cud eating Zebras and I wouldn't want mah Wife to give birth near their kind! Isn't that right Ma!

? : You bet your Sweet Apples you don't! You that wife of yours and little M*c are gonna live with me at Sweet Apple Acres!

Horchata: ¡ Buena suerte criando tus 3 hijos muerto pendejo!

Wing Job: Horchata stop saying rude things in Caballo, most people don't understand you but some do!

As they keep advancing the conversations became weirder and weirder…

? (Drunk): You know what would make me really want to kill myself…

? (Also Drunk): What?

?: If by some weird and disgusting garbage my wife where to give birth to a pony that had all of the colors of the rainbow in his or her hair and whenever it flew it were to leave a stream of rainbows!

?: You know what would make me off myself or at least try if I were to have a daughter and she would start talking with a ridiculous Trottingham accent even know we haven't and never be near those dam Geldings!

? (Drunken Pegasus resumes talking) I even have a name for that disgrace of a philly Rainbow Gay Pride Dash! The only way it could redeem itself is if it where the fastest Pegasus alive and join and becomes leader of the wonder bolts…

? : How about I name mine Medium Rare…

? : How is that insulting?

?: Because she is something that only a wealthy Donkey Business stud would want to try and never talk about it again…

? : Man what is it with you and Donkey's?

? : *Sobbing* I think my C****e is gonna have a mule!

? : Oh my sweet Celestia are you sure?

? : Yes I saw her getting some weird things that Donkeys use when they have sex!

? : Did you confront her?

? : *Sobbing* No I'm afraid of even confronting her and her telling me that the philly isn't mine! I'll be the laughing stock of all of Equestria!

Wing Job: I think that it would be wise if we don't talk to those two failures at life over there!

Horchata: ¡No me lo tienes que decir dos veces! *Sight*Si solo supieran…

Wing Job: How about those two over there!

Wing Job was pointing towards a couple of Pegasus, the male had a military type haircut and the mare was wearing sunglasses…

Horchata: ¿Me puedes pedir una ginebra?

Wing Job: Starting to drink early are we?

Horchata: No tan temprano con toda esta mierda de excusas baratas que hay en esta porquería de fiesta.

As Crysalis stood up to get The Boss's drink the couple started the following conversation:

? : See right there is a real Mare always serving her Stallion like they are supposes too and not whine like they are important! You got that!

? : *Mumbles*

? : What did you said at me? (Lifts his hoof at her)

? : No please don't hurt me think of the Baby *Gasp*

? : You bucking whore… who did you sleep with?

? : *Sobbing* You! I slept with you!

? : That is a lie I always wear protection!

Horchata: Si estos son los padres de quien yo creo que son, pues de verdad que ya entiendo por qué vive sola y con animales.

? : Was it him! (Points hoof at Horchata)

Horchata: ¿Qué?

? : Don't make me repeat myself you milk mare!

? : No please don't hurt him!

Horchata: ¿El herirme a mí? ¡Que se atreva que lo voy a mandar directo pa la eternidad!

As the Pegasus was about to launch a hoof, the boss was already ready to kill that lame excuse for a stallion and wipe him off the face of Equestria.

Nightlight: Is there a problem here?

? : Oh great is Smallcock Faghorn!

As the Female earth pony who was accompanied by that racist stallion with a familiar hat said this everypony started to laugh.

Horchata: ¡¿Ah pues con que este es el maricon coge cuernos de Nightlight?!

Nightlight: Stop it I'm not a homosexual!

? (Drunk): Oh Really then who did you came with then?

Velvet Snatch: There you are honey I was looking for you!

Nightlight: Are you talking to me?

Velvet Snatch: Of course I am my love!

?: (Drunk) Ok now I have seen everything what's next are you gonna tell me that you have a son?

Twilight Velvet: Why yes he does! In fact I was gonna pick him up from the philly's room upstairs!

As she said this, a small Unicorn who was approximately 7 to 8 years old (1 to 2 in human years) appeared out of nowhere and hugged Nightlight.

Shining Armor: Daddy! I finally met you! I knew that all of those other phillies where lying when they said that my mommy was a milk mare! *Sobs* and now my family is complete! I will never let you go Daddy!

Nightlight: I'm not really… *in his mind* (No, don't ruin it! if I admit that I don't know this mare and that this philly is not my son I will never hear the end of it from everypony in this place I may even be over heard by the Princess herself and be shunned from the kingdom, just play it cool… for now)

Royal Guard: Woah! Nightlight I didn't expected you to just skip the practice plot and go straight to the major leagues!

As the Guard said this every Stallion on the room lifted Nightlight and carried him towards the dancing ball

Velvet Snatch: Now Shinning go and play with your father I have some things to deal with!

Horchata: Dam you sure killed two birds with a stone with that huh!

Velvet Snatch: What? Why would you want to kill two birds?

Horchata: It's an expression!

Velvet Snatch: Well your kind has some weird expressions!

Horchata: It sounds better in Caballo! It means that you did two things at once!

Velvet Snatch: Oh! Well since you put it like that it's like that Daring Doo mare said in Daring Doo Does Detrot, you gotta take chances to fix your life! I'm thinking of retiring have a normal life! Maybe even open a book store or something like that! Have another child… maybe tie the knot… I mean Adult films nowadays are very dirty! I used to make a killing off only one scene… Nowadays you must make an entire movie where you get drilled by a group of dragons! *Gags* that makes me sick!

Wing Job: You can say that again!

Velvet Snatch: well it was nice knowing you! I never catch your name stranger what is it?

Horchata: My name is Horchata the Llama! Nice to meet you Ms…

Twilight Velvet: Velvet S… Twilight Velvet!

Twilight Velvet looks at him…

Twilight Velvet: A Llama huh? I have never mated with a Llama before!

Horchata: I promise you that next time you meet a Llama you should bang his brains out! It will be fun! We llamas have very good stamina and best of all *Spits very far* we are very good at oral!

Twilight Velvet: Why wait? We could leave this boring party and make our own music!

Horchata: well don't mind if I…

Wing Job slaps him and looks at Twilight Velvet.

Wing Job: Don't you have like a son and fake husband to attend to?

Twilight Velvet: Oh… I see! Well if you ever change your mind… I'll be around Canterlot Natural disasters shelter!

Wing Job: Oh my! What happened?

Twilight Velvet: Some Changelings attacked Canterlot and destroyed my entire neighborhood they also killed an entire squad of Royal Guards.

Horchata: holy crap! That sounded horrible!

Twilight Velvet: Well yes, but luckily they captured their leader and locked her up in this very castle!

Wing Job: I hope they hang her from the gallows!

Twilight Velvet: Me too! She claims that she is a princess from the future, but some witnesses saw her helping a human!

Wing Job: A human you say?

Twilight Velvet: Yes a human, I thought that those things where a myth but it looks like they are real! Just to think that my mother used to tell me about humans and how they were always fighting and eating meat! Once I read a book about how humans defended their planet against the Flood, Forerunner and Sangheili, I just hope that those humans aren't as strong as the ones on that book or according to my calculation a single one of these "Spartans" can defeat the entire Equestrian Royal army and murder the princess without even trying! I don't want to think what an entire squad or legion would do to this planet!

Narrator: Now pause right there and let me clarify what Ms. Velvet was trying to say… You see she was referring to a long distance battle since the Equestrians don't even have the technology to harm a Mjolnir armor from a long distance and even if they would manage to come close to a Spartan the probabilities of them winning are slim to none (at least in this time period where they were only two Allicorns and one of them was in the moon at the time, of course there is also Cadence but let's face it who would want to see a Spartan murdering that bitch!).

ABB: We would!

Narrator: Of course you would you soulless bastards, of course you would! Now back to the story!

Story resumes

Horchata: Wow those humans sound like monsters! Let's hope that that book you read is just a myth and that humans are only a fourth of that strength!

Twilight Velvet: I hope your right!

As Twilight Velvet left Crysalis looked at the boss and asked him…

Crysalis: Where you the one that she was talking about!

The Boss: Eyup!

Crysalis: Did your species literally does all of those things?

The Boss: Sip!

Crysalis: Even the ones that she talked about your species having the ability to murder the entire Royal army?

The Boss: Yah!

Crysalis: Then why don't you do it?

The Boss: I like to see what your species thinks of me! And how can I lower their morale and break their spirits so that they are no problem to me! Of course sometimes I like to see them kill each other off only to weaken them and give the remaining group a mercy killing!

Crysalis: Your kind sounds horrible and should be erased from existence!

The Boss: A lot have tried and none have succeeded!

Crysalis: You're getting cocky around me… I like that!

The Boss: Now on to business shall we?

Crysalis: What about that other Allicorn that she was talking about?

The Boss: What about her?

Crysalis: Is she your ally?

The Boss: Nope… she is not; in fact she is the opposite of that! Every fucking time I think I got rid of her. She keeps coming back trying to destroy me, and she has always failed!

Crysalis: How many times has she tried to destroy you?

The Boss: let's see, (Starts to count) Two!

Crysalis: Two times? And that is more times than the average person because?

The Boss: When I get rid of a problem I literally get rid of it! With her is different! Two times she has had the opportunity to finish me off and both times she has literally gave up and I always end up locking her up or torturing her emotionally!

Crysalis: But you don't kill her?

The Boss: No!

Crysalis: But why?

The Boss: I don't know… It's just that there is something that keeps telling me "don't do it man" "she deserves better man", "think about it man", and in the end I end up not killing her and she always ends up "escaping"!

Crysalis: Looks like you have something for her!

The Boss: What? No… Maybe… FUCK!

Crysalis: You love her don't you?

The Boss: DAMIT WHY THE FUCK HER! I COULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN, A GAWDDAM MUTANT OR EVEN A MOTHERFUCKING ALIEN BUT NOOOOO MY FUCKING FEELINGS… MAN!

Crysalis: Sooo should we save your girlfriend!?

The Boss: What… DA FUQ DID YOU CALLED HER?

Crysalis: Your girl…

The Boss punches Cryaslis in her face

The Boss: I HEARD YOU THE FUCKING FIRST TIME! And yes… I think we should!

Crysalis: Why you insolent idiot!

The Boss: Oh shut the fuck up before I yell Changeling!

Crysalis turns in to herself and hits The Boss with a magic beam which turns him back in to a human and then she turs back in to Wing Job then she poofs out the tied up Butler and kills him with a knife and then yells:

Wing Job: SOMEPONY HELP ME! A HUMAN! HEEEEEEELP!

The Boss: You bitch!

Crysalis: Told you not to buck with me!

**Meanwhile in the Canterot Lab:**

As the party resumed downstairs Dos was analyzing the blood sample taken from the princess of the future with his hand modified computer…

Dos (Typing): … just one last command line and then… (Presses enter)

Computer displays the words: 'please insert blood sample'

Dos: Now I just have to inset the blood sample… (Places sample in analyzer)

Computer: Scanning…

*Ding*

Computer: No Changeling DNA found…

Dos: What? Is this piece of crap broken or something…

*Ding*

Computer: Unicorn DNA found….

Dos: ?

*Ding*

*Buzz*

*Ding*

Computer: Unknown DNA found!

Dos: What?

Dos: This can't be…

Fast Ball (Lands in front of Dos): What happened?

Dos: This says that that other Allicorn has an unknown DNA Pattern…

Fast Ball: What does this mean?

Dos: It means that this Twilight is a half breed and that one of her parents in from another species

Fast Ball: So… Mr. Of Gamma is a half breed…

Dos: Let me refresh that… one of her parents if from an unknown species…

Fast Ball: Do you think that the human is her father?

Dos: Don't be preposterous, why a unicorn would want to mate with a human! Or the other way around?! (Looks at Screen)

Fast Ball: Your right!

Dos: Just in case I managed to get a blood sample from one of the spheres that managed to cut the human… (Opens a large refrigerator and picks up the petri dish that says "human" blood and opens in, then he proceeds to pick up a cotton swab and takes a sample of the blood, and finally places everything back in its place…

Dos: And now… (Puts the swab sample on the machine) Let's hope you are wrong I think the Princess took a "liking" to our prisoner…

**Back to the ball:**

The Boss: Oh hell no! Luckily I just came prepared for such an occasion!

Crysalis: Huh?

The Boss pops out a remote controller

The Boss: Rewind

Crysalis: !PLEEEEEEEH !NAMUH A ! EM PLEH YNOPEMEOS

Crysalis turns back in to herself and the boss presses pause

Butler: (Starts to touch his face and body to see if its true that he is alive) I'm alive! Thank Celestia! (Looks at human) if anypony needs me I'll be in the kitchen.

The Boss: Good thing Matt gave me this fanny pack that works by me simply thinking of an item and it will just poof inside of it! Thank you Comic book logic! And now of course!

The Boss transforms itself in to Princess Luna as this happens the royal guars appear to apprehend the human only to find themselves in the presence of the Changeling Queen and the human disguised himself as Princess Luna

Princess Luna: Guards apprehend this monster at once!

Narrator: Pause! Now then… The Boss didn't know that Princess Luna was not imprisoned at the time… I mean he knew but he was high on joke at the time they told him! Ahh yes Poison joke… He started to smoke that shit when he found out that those flowers made great hallucinogens, of course they start to make effect two hours after you smoke them sometimes they don't even get you high and sometimes you end up turned in to a chick or a guy (If you are a woman), a shit load of other symptoms but those are the most common on humans…

Royal Guard #1: Oh great first a human and now Nightmare moon and Crysalis, what's next?

Meanwhile at the garden,

*Crack* *Crack* *Crack*

Discord: *Inhales* I'm back baby! *Stands next to Crysalis and Luna (The Boss)* what did I miss?

Royal Guard #2: *throws weapons against the floor* I didn't sign up for this! I'm going back to College!

Royal Guard #3: *Lowers weapon and makes a 180 degree spin and simply skips away while saying* Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope…

Royal Guard #4: *sigh* There comes a moment in every Mares life where you must simply pick yourself up and wonder… why didn't you chose to be a wonderbolt! Nothing bad ever happens to them! *Faints*

Celestia: (Wiping her face) what in the name of… (Looks at the trio and simply states) I should have gathered the elements sooner…

Discord: I'm glad to see you two Tia! And Crysalis I never expected you to stoop so low! And what is this? Luna? Has it been a 1000 years already? *Sniffs Luna* There is such a pleasant aroma that I haven't smelled in you before! * Sniffs her lower* Are you in heat?

Luna: What? No! First of all I'm not Luna!

The Boss Grabs his Remote and starts to change

Hank Hill: Nope… Wait a minute, there is something I always wanted to say in this form! I HUFF PROPAINE!

Switches again

Eric Cartman: Well as long as I'm in this form!

Eric Bitch slaps Celestia

Eric Cartman: Respect mah autoritah!

Switches again

Peter Griffin: *farts in Celestia's face* you smell like my butt now*Peter Laugh*

Switches Back again

Bender: *Extends his arms, spanks Celestia's behind, then as she looks to see who just spanked her, Bender grabs Celestia's Crown and shoves it inside of his compartment* Later Loser!

Switches back in to his old self

Celestia: ENOUGH!

The Boss: Damit Bitch what's it to yah! Are you on the rag or something?

Celestia: HOW DARE YOU!

The Boss: oh sorry I forgot to use my royal cunt voice… *clears throat* DAMIT YOU ROYAL CUNT ARE THOU ON THY MENSTRUAL CYCLE?

Discord: I don't know who you are or what is it that you came here to do but… *Looks at Celestia with a Sad puppy face* Can we keep him?

The Boss: What I'm not a thing that you get to keep! Anyway *Transforms in to that creepy guy from Futurama that says welcome to the future* I come here from the future, so here me out! *Switches back* Man I really need to do this more often! Anyway all I'm here to do is to take my associate back with me! She is not from this time period!

Celestia:I knew that that Twilight Sparkle was nothing but a lying fraud! *Sigh* But what else to expect from a half breed!

The Boss: Half breed who? Me?

Celestia: No, you are 100% human, a species so vile and disgusting that finds pleasure in even killing their own kind! And not for food either!

The Boss: Then Twilight is a half breed?

Celestia: Yes she is!

Discord: Oh joy!What is the other breed then? *Transforms in to a dragon* A dragon? *Transforms in to a Griffin* or perhaps she is half griffin? *Transforms in to Crysalis* If she half Changeling?

Crysalis: I would never dream of mating with your kind!

Celestia: None of them she is actually … *Wait For it! Suspeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenseeeeeeee* half Human…

Everypony Gasps

Discord twists himself up as he says:

Discord: Oh! What a Twist!

Celestia: I was not finished!

The Boss: Please don't let her say what I think she is gonna say I swear that if she doesn't say it I will give up on my life of crime and turn in to a priest!

Celestia: *Looks at The Boss* you are the father!

The Boss: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU….

Discord: Oh sweet irony!

Crysalis: Do you want to do her now?

The Boss: Shut up! …UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

The Boss: (Slaps himself in the face) *To himself* Clam the fuck down you can still do this! *inhales* that's not bad…

Crysalis: Really… you just found out that the mare you were in love with is your bastard daughter and you don't think that is bad?

The Boss: Not as bad as what is gonna happen in (looks at watch) 5, 4…

**Meanwhile in the Griffins headquarters at the Everfree woods:**

Royal Courier: I have some mail from Princess Celestia, is some type of peace offering for the king and his top guards,*Sarcastically* but since he on his way from the peace treaty this means that the three of you have to take care of the package!

Griffin Guard #1: (Opens box) Oh look everygriffin these must be those new wrist watch those dam news reporters must have been talking about!

Griffin Guard #2: Ah yes nothing like putting a Crotch on your wrist!

Griffin Guard #3: A what's it called?

Griffin Guard #1: A Crotch it a watch made in Canterlot!

Griffin Guard #2: Wouldn't that be called a Cantch!

Griffin Guard #3: You two! Stop being idiotic they are called Crotch because these are Canterlot Royal Officers watch!

Griffin Guard #1: say are they supposed to do this weird countdown noise?

Griffin Guard #3: This sounds like a…

**Back at Canterlot:**

The Boss: …3, 2, 1.

*Big explosion sound*

Celestia: What was that?

The Boss: That my friend is the sound of you declaring war to the Griffins!

Celestia: Why you monster! *lifts The Boss with her magic and slams him towards the wall*

What did you do?

The Boss: * Stands up and cleans himself up* well I just placed some atom splitters inside your "thanks for your service" watches for those Griffin spies of yours!

Celestia: Why you monster I will kill you!

The Boss: (Gets his gun out) you have some bigger and more important things to attend too!

*Invasion alarm sounds*

Discord: You know what this is just way to much excitement for me today so if you excuse me I'll be busy being a garden ornament till some mentally challenged Phyllis start to fight for some dumb stuff in front of me… good luck with that!

Crysalis: will you look at the time I just remembered that I haven't feed my hive today! See you all after the war!

The Boss: I'll be leaving as well! Later bitch!

Celestia: But... How? How can you out smart and confront me even when you know I could kill you… I'm more powerful I could disintegrate you with a single blast of my horn *Sight* and you know this and still you fight even when outnumbered and always manage to defeat me…

The Boss: I'll tell you how, you will never be better than me! And you know why?

Celestia: Why are you doing this? What have I ever done to you!?

The Boss: The question is not what have you done, but rather what will I do?

*Griffin Battle Cries*

The Boss: Well looks like someone is calling you! Better not keep em' waiting! Wouldn't want to be you right about now! *The Boss stops and says something* Oh and one more thing *looks at her in the eyes and places his gun in her temple* don't fuck with me again or next time you'll be a special needs kid arts and crafts supplies while another part of you is feeding some obese man at a fast food restaurant and your head will be on some ABB members wall

Celestia: I don't understand what you're trying to say…

The Boss: (British accent) Next time it will be your life! Hah no wonder that unicorn does it! It's fun to pretend your British!

**Canterlot Equestria Year 1989 (Human Year 2008)**

Celestia: I lost a lot of good Colts and Mares in that battle while that human was watching from afar waiting for me to fail! I swore on all of those graves of innocents that I would found him and murder him! Just like he murdered my hope for peace!

Royal Guard: Sorry to hear that? Do you want me to drag my sack all over your face?

Celestia: What?

Royal Guard: Oh… I'm sorry is that when my "wife" gets sad I always drag my sack all over her face!

Celestia: Does it help?

Royal Guard: Now princess don't play dumb with me!

Celestia: Fine…

**Back on the real world:**

You: What… the fuck… did I just read!

Narrator: Did I ever finish telling about The Doctor and what he did while the boss was with his shenanigans!

You: No… can you just say it and stop with the filer crap!

Narrator: Oh believe me when I tell you this my friend none of the stuff in here is filler they will eventually come to haunt the main character and or his allies and friends in a not so distant future!

**Woodcrest California:**

As the sun started to set and a big limousine just parked in front of the Freeman residence, Ryley was seeing what was on TV…

Robert: Now come on boy chose one dam channel!

Ryley: Oh come on granddad there's nothing to watch!

*Knock*

Robert: Huey get yo black ass up and open the door!

*Knock*

Robert (More angry): Dammit you stupid ass nigga open the dam door!

Huey: *Sight* I'm on it!

As Huey opened the door it revealed Mr. Wuncler and next to him a much out of shape well-dressed 3rd street saints boss

Wuncler: Hey is your granddad here?

Huey: one moment (Slams the door on their faces)

The Boss: I thought you said they liked you… or are you lying about that too?

Wuncler *Chuckles nervously*: No he is just like this with everyone…

(Door opens) and shows a Grandad with a huge grin in his face

Robert: Well hello there mr. Wuncler, and who is the Latino fellow next to you?

Wuncler: Well this here is uhhh… I never caught your name…

The Boss: Sanchez, Eduardo Sanchez (Extends his hand to Mr. Freeman)

Robert: Well hello there Mr. Sanchez (Shakes hands) to what do I owe the pleasure to this unofficial visit?

The Boss: I come here for business…

Robert: What kind?

The Boss: You see Mr. Freeman; I'm looking for someone with your culinary talents…

Robert: Ohh… sorry man I don't do soul food any more…

The Boss: Oh really because Eddy here said that you could help me out!

Wuncler: Listen you need to do this… This guy owns more than 97% of all of my companies stocks and if he decides to get me out of the picture you'll go out with me capiche…

The Boss: Did I just hear you threatening this man in his own house Eddy?

Wuncler: Of course not Mr. Sanchez

As the boss entered in the house he sees Ryley seeing My Little Pony on the screen

Ryley: Da fuck is this shit?

Huey: This is just one of those shows that try to empower their female characters by giving them super powers and defeating evil beings…

Ryley: Wha?

Huey: *Sights*

The Boss: in other words it's a girl's show

As Huey sees who it is and recognizes him from Ryley's favorite videogame it was as if just literally jumped from the TV on his room to his living room…

The Boss: From the looks of it you must already know from where I really am…

Ryley: Holly shit are you really da boss from Saints Row?

The Boss: The one and only… Unless you count all of those other alternate versions of me… then there are probably like a shit load of other me's out there…

Wuncler: What are you talking about?

The Boss: You see (pulls out a remote and clicks eject pointing at the TV)…

As he presses the eject button a mint colored unicorn pops out of the screen and falls on the sofa.

Grandad: Holy shit! Da fuck is that thing?

Lyra: Where am i? *Gasps* A human!

As she says this she starts to jump up and down while singing

Lyra: I was right, they were wrong they are real live humans all along…

The Boss: Charming creatures aren't they…

Wuncler: Holy shit… are you using some sort of Mexican magic, or something?

The Boss: Da fuck you just called me?

Huey: He's not Mexican he's Puerto Rican…

Wuncler: I don't give a rat's ass from what part of Mexico he is I'm out of here!

The Boss: (Points controller at Wuncler) Pause…

As he continues to keep talking he orders Lyra to shut up

The Boss: Hey you talking Narwhal Horse thing shut up!

Lyra: … *Starts to cry*

The Boss: Oh great she's crying now!

Huey: Well if I were to be playing happily with my friends only to get transported in to another dimension and then get ordered to shut up I would not be crying but then again I wouldn't be happy either!

The Boss: Fine! (Looks at Lyra)… I'm sorry now please stop crying and I promises you that I will let you play with another human!

Lyra: *Sobs* Really?

The Boss: Yes really! (Looks at Huey) call up your girlfriend over so that she can play with her!

Ryley: *Laughs* Even this nigga knows about her man!

Huey bitch slaps Ryley

Ryley: You bitch ass nigga!

Lyra: What's a Nigga?

The Boss: *Claps and cheers* Nice it only took her 10 minutes to say that word… a new record!

Huey: *Sights* Fine! (Picks up phone and calls Jasmine)*Rings*

Jasmine: Hello?

Huey: Hey Jasmine do you want to play with my unicorn friend?

Jasmine: But Huey… I thought that you said that unicorns are not real.

Huey: I know but it turns out that they are real and that they can talk and sing and (looks at Lyra using her magic to levitate Ryley's pellet gun and shoots him whit it) they can use magic…

Jasmine: *Yells* I'll be right there!

Ryley: Ouch! That hurt you Bitch!

Lyra: Sorry!

The Boss: Now on to business Mr. Freeman…

Robert: Wait what do you want with me? Are you gonna send me to a planet where they are a lot of big tittied Horney women to make my own restaurant there?

The Boss: Perhaps… but I need your help first!

Robert: What's the catch?

The Boss: You help me get an entire planet of super strong warriors fat and lazy and I will give you this entire universe for you to do whatever the fuck you want with it!

Robert: Deal!

The Boss: Wait you won't ask me who I am or where I'm from…

Robert: Nigga please after seeing you do that to the Wuncler you got yourself a loyal cook!

The Boss: Then let's get to work then! What do you want me to do with the fat white man?

Robert: There is always something I wanted to do to his cracka ass!

The Boss: Go ahead tell me what you want to do to him!

Robert: Can you make him be my servant?

The Boss: Of course, anything else?

Robert: Can you give Dorothy an upgrade?

The Boss: Consider it done!

The Boss: (Looks at the boys) How about you? Do you two want anything?

Ryley: Can I get me a new Computah and a 2000 inch screen TV?

The Boss: Consider it done! Anything else?

Ryley: Can I get me a big ass Hummah like the one Obeezy drives in?

The Boss: Why the presidents shitty ass hummer when you can get a better one?

Ryley: Are you fo real?

The Boss: If I'm lying I'm dying! How about you Huey?

Huey: Can you release every political prisoner, ban all of the foods that give diseases and Close the B.E.T. Network?

The Boss: I knew you were gonna say that so I went ahead and made some calls… (Changes channel)

Reporter: And in a chain of events involving the imprisonment of the entire B.E.T. network CEOs and its advertisers, the president has decided to make space in prison by releasing all of the political prisoners as well the ones that were considered harmless and or cases made by rush, the president of the United States of America had this to say…

US President: My fellow Americans today in a shocking discovery made public by a confidential but trusted source we have discovered that the B.E.T. Network and their Advertisers where connected with a terrorist group here in the US that was trying to overthrow the American Government and put an Atheist White Supremacist in charge of this nation… We can gladly declare that they no longer possess a threat to us nor you all, now we can all rest in our beds knowing that America is a little bit safer…

Huey: But how?

The Boss: It's something I like to call black mail and framing… of course all of the money I have invested in this government didn't let them say no to me at all, I mean if I were to stop funding all of those companies and businesses this entire planet will go to shit in less than a month!

Ryley: Dam man you really are Da Boss!

The Boss: You know it!

While this was all happening the Doctor was seeing all of this from afar while Derpy was still high as fuck since she kept eating those brownies…

The Doctor: This is bad… In fact it's worse than bad…

Derpy: *Munch* Why?

The Doctor: If he does succeed by unifying the entire Multiverse…

Derpy: *Munch* Uhu…

The Doctor: and makes everybody dependent of him

Derpy: *Munch*Uhu…

The Doctor: And if by some catastrophic events he dies without leaving anybody in charge…

Derpy: *Munch* Uhu…

The Doctor: Give me that…

The Doctor tosses the remaining brownies out the window

Derpy (Angry): Hey I wasn't finished!

The Doctor: What are you whining about… you still have all of those other muffins…!

Derpy: Oh yeah!

The Doctor: as I was saying… If he dies and he leaves nobody in charge… it will be like Alexander The Great, all over again but this time it could be worse, Universe against universe, Species against species, it could lead to total Multidimensional extinction!

Derpy: (Bites a muffin) It's not the same…

The Doctor: I must go back and do something I thought I would never have to do again…

Derpy: (Bites another muffin)*Munch* Still not the same…

The Doctor: …I must kill the leader of the 3rd Street Saints!

Derpy: *Sight* I want more special brownies…

Narrator: Woah that was intense… Anyway… Will the doctor kill the boss? Will Quagmire get some pony plot? Will Twilight ever know that the Boss is her real father? What part does Robert take in the main story? (If you don't know then you're a dumb ass mothafucka or just skipped to this chapter and that is just wrong…) Will Goku defeat the Evil Boo? Will Brian be returned back to life? What is the meaning of life? All of these questions will be answered on the next episode… (Except the last three! Google them up BITCH!)


End file.
